Thursday, July 31, 2008

2 gud

Duller than Dirt?


Overheard on the web...

I'm just afraid [Republican national convention] might be duller than dirt!
"Ah, well then, that is because you
have not seen my fine dirt. It is anything but dull.
Come over here and let me show it to you."
"So, this is your dirt?"
"Yes. I call this lump 'Claude.'"

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Why a Christian mustn't see homosexuality as genetic


Seen around the web...

If, as those here and science insists that homosexuality is not a 'choice,' I have a question for God as to why He would permit people to be born with such proclivities, if in fact it is sinful to Him.
Well, yes, that poses a dilemma.

R U a Virus?


Advice from the FBI on computer fraud:

# Do not provide personal or financial information to anyone who solicits information.
"Honey, how are you?"
Who r u?
"It's mom, sweetie. Did you get my package?"
Who iz mom?
"It's your mother. What's the matter with you?"
Ur no virus?
"No, of course not. Are you having problems with your husband, or something?"
O, mom, I'm so sad. I don't think he respex me anymore.
"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm going to get off the computer and come right over."
TU, mom. I luv u.
"I love you too, sweetie, and don't let that Richard get you down."
Whooze Richard?
"Your husband, dear. Isn't this Carmella?"
no. I M Suzie.
"Oh, my god. I've got the wrong email address!"
duz that mean ur not coming over?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Reinventing Libertaria

Reinventing Libertaria

Gary Cruse, The Washington Dispatch, May 27, 2003

Should the Libertarian Party, a party that barely shows up on political radar as it is, be further split? Has the LP written itself out of post 9/11 America?

In a country moving perceptibly to the right, does a retrenched, leftist Democratic Party open up middle ground for its own replacement to the right?

As a small 'l' libertarian, I increasingly find myself at greater odds with the LP than I am with conservatives. When social conservatism is replacing the Tenth Amendment (the powers not delegated to the United States ...are reserved to the States) with any number of Commandments, a party of individual liberty and responsibility should be highly visible.

The Democratic party has been equally contemptuous of the Tenth when that party has been in power. Are the pieces there for assembling a real party of Liberty?

The Libertarian Party might be poised to make such a run, but not in its present incarnation. A couple of planks in the party platform are serious anachronisms and must be dealt with first. Completely out of step with America today,a 'foreign policy of non-intervention and peace' sticks out and resonates with recent anti-Iraqi war sentiments. Isolationism was almost a necessity when the oceans made dealing with the rest of the world more nuisance than blessing, but not any more.

Anti-terrorism cannot be a winning hand without the cooperation of nations capable of harboring future Osamas. As to an announced policy of peace, let the lambs be silenced. There is an insidious, woolly-headed thinking among the naifs of society who are willing to settle for lack of conflict, for now, and call it peace, without regard to the wolfy machinations on their doorstep.

France and England had a treaty with Poland to come to each other's aid if attacked. When Germany invaded Poland, the treaty was enforced to the extent that war was declared but nothing else was done, bringing about the Phony War that allowed Hitler to gobble up someone else (it's always someone else who needs to sacrifice for the common good) while Poland's friends worked to restore the 'peace.' We used to call that appeasement, but now it's peacekeeping.

The subtle shift in emphasis from defending what is worthwhile to redefining 'necessary' as 'expendable' isn't negotiating, it is surrender. Well, maybe it's negotiating. "I'll give you everything you want, but that's my final offer," might be dressed up enough to dance with, if you're that desperate.

As road maps go, expecting Israel to give up the Golan Heights, a strategic sacrifice of elephantine proportion, for useless promises of peace from those who unfailingly call for her extinction, secures a peace that passes understanding, not to mention overtaking credulity.

The Libertarian Party's notion of peace is appeasement in Birkenstocks.

The other disconnect I have with the LP platform is the elimination of all restrictions on immigration, which, coming from the Libertarian Party of Texas is a 'kick me' sign I wouldn't want to wear around the Alamo.

I'd still be laughing at that if I didn't know they were serious as a front yard fiesta del tercer mundo.

Can the Libertarian Party even coexist with War on Terrorism? The party platform seems singularly incapable of keeping suicide killers out of the country or doing anything pre-emptively to stop the creation of terrorist cadres not already here. The primary mandate of sovereignty is survival, a principle easily translated into libertarianism's recognition of the individual, with his full complement of rights and responsibilities. At the national level, this is vaporized without border control and amounts to shattering the individual writ large.

That's why I got the 'L' out of Libertarian in favor of raising a little 'l' of my own. Being a libertarian may be a step in the direction of conservatism, but being a Libertarian puts me in the pocket of people out to kill me.

As constituted, the LP will remain off the political radar, and small 'l'ers will agonize over how far down the ticket the silliness has to be before one can safely vote for it. So far, dog catcher is not far from the ceiling. A party rethought without these suicide clauses might do well as the major parties peel away from each other.

The Republicans look to have a lock on 2004, so there's plenty of time to get a new dog ready. This one won't hunt.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Technical vs Value Economics?


Everybody oughtta know, but doesn't, that two things create the trading value of a stock. The value of the assets of the company issuing the stock, and the desire or lack of it on the part of investors to own said stock, the technical function of the price. That's the one giving us charts that show moving cost averages, shoulder formations, spikes, dips and the generally tortuous path carved by shares in a company whose underlying assets don't change with anywhere near the speed of its capitalization. If you've read this far, congratulations.

Now imagine trying to predict a stock price, or even understand it, without factoring in its popularity. In other words, being unaware of market fluctuations. Would you feel comfortable betting your 401K that way?

Overhead on the web today---

After tutoring economics at a college for over a year, I have to agree that most students can not connect what they learn to the real world. This is caused in part by the professors. Many of the professors are excellent statisticians and fully understand numbers and their relations, but when it comes to psychology they have no clue.

Economics is primarily a psychological problem; you have to understand people and their motives BEFORE you can accurately describe them with numbers. In today’s academia there is a huge disconnect, we are trying to describe in numbers behavior we don’t understand.

Until the psychological part of the “dismal science” is put back in, we will continue to fail our students and the future.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

He ain't dead, he's pinin'.


He ain't dead, he's pinin'.

But Bush's a Republican so it's okay,
To put it on the tab for the kids to pay;
To mortgage the country into so much hock,
The body politic is outlined in chalk.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Meet the Press

And this philandering, metrosexual schmuck
is my husb...hey you kids!  Get off my lawn!

How they'll be remembered


Clare Boothe Luce argued, every president gets just one sentence in the history books
The obvious ones are:
Bush --- Mission accomplished
Clinton --- I never had sex with that woman.
GHW Bush --- Read my lips, no new taxes.
Reagan --- Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall.
Carter --- We suffer from malaise
Ford --- Poland is a free country
Nixon --- We want a modified, limited hangout

What they should be:
Bush --- No child's future income left behind
Clinton --- It's good to be the king
GHW Bush --- Let George Schulz run my campaign, it's a shoo-in
Reagan --- Appoint commissions, ignore the results. Life is good.
Carter --- Don't just do something. Stand there!
Ford --- Chevy Chase does a better me.
Nixon --- I never could get it down pat.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Obama 'Has a Vision for America and the Whole World'


Obama 'Has a Vision for America and the Whole World'" -- Der Spiegel

In the IT industry, that is known as vaporware

"Hope is on the way" was the theme
Of the last Dem national convention,
So O'Bama's gassy platitudes fit the meme.
It ain't much but it is more sustaining
Than McCain's grumping out the lonely press
That showed up for his last deplaning.

This race is so over.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Coburn's an oakie dokie


Coburn, a conservative from Muskogee who was an obstetrician, usually has 70 to 80 holds in place at any one time, aide Don Tatro said.
'Cuz I'm proud to be an OB from Muskogee,
A place conservatism's not a joke;
Our grandkids won't pay the bills we rack up,
And white lightnin' don't go up our nose like coke.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The fail is strong in this one

It's a hunka hunka... marble

The 'Elvis’ sculpture is 2nd Century AD.The Roman Elvis is in fact a genuine marble acroterion - a kind of architectural ornament often found for decoration on the corners of a sarcophagus, a stone tomb or burial chamber.

Overheard on the web

I think of the Book of the Revelations as the hobo they tried to kick off the Bible train but somehow managed to hang on and climb into the caboose.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Giving it up for the Wong reason


TimesOnLine says:

Joel Brenner, the US government’s top counter-intelligence official, warned: “So many people are going to the Olympics and are going to get electronically undressed.”
"Step over here, roundeyes, I see you better. Hey, nice chipset."
"Gee, Miss Wong, I..."
"What this? Do you RAM, RAM, RAM? Or you just a ROM, ROM, ROM?"
"Well, actually, I..."
"Ah, so. That look like a real firewire. You give me nice gigabyte, right here."
"I, uh, oh geez."
"Roundeyes! You go all GUI. No love you long time."
"Yeah, I..."
"You best router your motherboard out of here, boy."
"I am so gone."

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Tragedy is easy; comedy is harder than you think



-vaporous visions of pie-in-the-sky,

-sitting unaffected for twenty years in a religiously-bigoted pew,

-having a wife who hated America up until just now,

-being as underqualified for office as you can while remaining a citizen,

-throwing grandmothers and other inconvenient enablers under the bus, and

-showing a stunningly uneducated grasp of geography

aren't sufficient hooks upon which to hang Barack jokes,

I can only assume the jokesters are waiting for things that end,

"Isn't he cuddly or what?"

Mad Men 2, Smmoooookin'!!!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Atheism 101


"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."

-Stephen Roberts

"Everyone is an atheist to most of the gods mankind has ever believed in, some of us just take it one god further."

-Richard Dawkins

"The most ridiculous concept ever perpetrated by H.Sapiens is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of his creations, that he can be persuaded by their prayers, and becomes petulant if he does not receive this flattery. Yet this ridiculous notion, without one real shred of evidence to bolster it, has gone on to found one of the oldest, largest and least productive industries in history."

-Robert Heinlein

Son of Constitution, King James Version

Jungle pokin'

ScienceDaily (July 18, 2008) — Resistance to ciprofloxacin, a member of one of the most commonly used groups of antibiotics in the world, has been discovered by a team of Canadian researchers among people in remote South American villages who are believed to have never taken this medication. They took rectal swabs from 535 people in Bartica and the remote villages.

"Look, Mbuti, the silver stink-fly has brought pink-bellies back from the land of silly-assed squeak-talkers."
"Ay, yi, Nsoto. I'm getting out of here. You know what they talked us into doing last time."
"It was just their primitive way of saying, 'Are you in heat?' Mbuti. I don't know why you got so upset."
"It didn't bother me until I got to thinking about it later."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the squeak-talker said he was going to put a stick up my going-away cleavage."
"Yeah, okay, he said that to everybody."
"Yes, and then he went around behind me and put his left hand on my right shoulder... or was it his right hand on my left shoulder? Then I realized he had BOTH of his hands on BOTH of my shoulders!"

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

One nation, under God; one Constitution, under the bus

World Net Daily reports...
A San Francisco city and county board resolution [...]will be challenged tomorrow in court for violating the Constitution's prohibition of government hostility toward religion.
Have you seen the new King James Version of the Constitution? I hear it's all the rage.

Little O'Bama, the early days

"Honey, come in here, quick!"
"What's wrong? What's wrong?"
"Baby 'Bama just mouthed his first platitude!"
"What'd he say?"
"He said we mustn't fight the last war."
"He's a baby. What does he know?"
"I know, I know. He's just babbling."
"Do you remember when he said his first half of a word, honey?"
"Of course. Say it again, Baby 'Bama. Say muh...."
"Mm, mmmu, mm.... mutha!"
"That's my boy."

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Teaching dirty words

"We learn a new word today, class. Feculence, giving us the
adjective feculent. Can anyone use feculent in a sentence?"
"I can."
"Go ahead, Tyrone."
"I don't care who the feculent my gun to, I want it back."
"Ms Foley, Ms Foley, Tyrone is talking dirty!"
"Very good, Cynthia. That's right. Feculent means dirty."
"No, no, he did you say, Tyrone?"
"I said you best be getting me my gun back, bitch!"
"Ms Foley, Ms Foley!!"
"I hate this job."

Friday, July 11, 2008

Debra LaFave -- free ankled at last

The ankle monitor has come off.

Tribune file photo by CHRIS URSO (2006)

Debra Lafave won't have to wear this ankle bracelet now that she's off house arrest and on probation.

The Tampa Tribune
July 11, 2008

Schoolteacher-turned-sex-offender Debra Lafave no longer will have to provide Florida Department of Corrections officials her daily schedule, and they no longer will keep minute-by-minute track of her whereabouts.

With Lafave having served more than 2 1/2 years of a three-year house-arrest sentence, a judge commuted the final five months to probation. She will remain on probation for seven years.

Probation officials said Lafave arrived at the Plant City probation office at 8:20 a.m. Her probation officer deactivated the ankle bracelet and cut it off. She left at 8:40 a.m.

While on house arrest, Lafave was allowed to leave home for only a few reasons, including grocery shopping and work, DOC spokeswoman Gretl Plessinger said. Lafave had to write her schedule in advance and have it approved by a probation officer, Plessinger said.

Now, Lafave will have to meet with a probation officer regularly, and an officer will come to her home, but she will not have to present schedules for approval, Plessinger said. Because Lafave is a sex offender, she will be subject to a curfew for the remainder of her probation. She must be home by 10 p.m. and cannot leave before 6 a.m., Plessinger said.

Lafave, a former English teacher at Greco Middle School, was arrested in June 2004 after a 14-year-old boy's mother called police to report that Lafave was having sex with him. Prosecutors have said the only reason they offered Lafave a plea deal was the extreme level of media coverage. The teenager's mother wanted to spare him the difficulties of testifying at trial.

The terms of Lafave's plea deal with prosecutors — inked in November 2005 — stated that she was to serve three years of house arrest and then seven years of probation. If she did not willfully violate house arrest after the first two years, she was to be allowed to ask a judge to commute the third year to probation.

While serving house arrest, Lafave had one legal incident. In December, Lafave was arrested for having inappropriate conversations with a 17-year-old girl at a restaurant where they worked. Circuit Judge J. Rogers Padgett determined the conversations were a violation of her house arrest but were not willful. She was not punished.

Fitzgibbons had argued to the judge that the conversations were common workplace discussions and age-appropriate.

A few months later, Fitzgibbons asked for Lafave's early release. The judge said she would be released today. All Lafave's community service is complete and all her fines are paid, Fitzgibbons said.

This morning, Lafave's former husband, Owen Lafave, appeared on the "Today" show.

Shortly before the interview, he told that his ex-wife's sentence was "too lenient." There is one standard for female sex offenders and another for male sex offenders, he said, and that must be stopped.

His involvement with Debra Lafave brought him to the forefront of an issue that, he said, he previously ignored. Owen Lafave said he feels obligated to act as a spokesman for issues involving sex offenders.

"I've got two beautiful boys now who I want to protect," he said.

On Thursday, Debra Lafave's attorney criticized Owen Lafave for continuing to appear on television and speak publicly about his former wife, even though he has remarried and has children. Fitzgibbons said Owen Lafave needs to move on.

"John is entitled to his opinion," Owen Lafave said this morning. "This is something that happened to me in my life and, unfortunately, pushed me into the media."

Iran/Iraq --- Bluster Keatons of the ME

With our rockets, we kill you all dead.

The Real McCain

SKIP THIS POST if words offend you. Please.

In his new book, The Real McCain, Cliff Schecter, a journalist and frequent contributor at the Huffington Post related perhaps the most disturbing of McCain's tirades. During his 2000 White House bid, the Senator was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, his aides, and three journalists who spoke to Schecter on condition of anonymity, but independently confirmed each other's accounts of the incident. Cindy McCain playfully ran her fingers through the Senator's hair and teased, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain reddened and fired back, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollup, you cunt." After he'd cooled down, McCain apologized, saying he'd had a long day.

But for his own sensitivity, he's not one to restrain himself when it comes to dishing it out. In fact, he can be downright nasty.

In 1998, McCain was speaking before a GOP fundraiser in Washington, D.C. when he asked, "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father."

Women who need abortions

So [disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters] are taking their revenge on people without health care, women who need abortions, and others who they (if they supported Hillary) must think will be harmed by a Republican victory in the fall. --- Michael Kinsley, Time magazine.
"And what seems to be the problem, Cynthia?"
"Don't call me Cynthia, Doctor. I don't call you Ramesh."
"Oh, please forgive. What brings you here today, Miss, uh..., Miss Pitcairn?"
"I need an abortion."
"Oh, my. Did your ObGyn say what the risk was?"
"ObGyn? I don't need no ObGyn. I need an abortion."
"Well, Miss Pitcairn, if there is no risk to your health, why don't you give birth and place for adoption?"
"What? Are you crazy? I could start swelling up at any time and Tyrone says he'll move out if I lose my shape."
"Are you worried you won't be able to afford your rent without Tyrone?"
"What? Rent? I live with my mother. Tyrone comes by for meals and booty."
"Is Tyrone the father?"
"What? How the hell should I know? Look, Doc, just do me an abortion."
"I don't do abortions, Miss Pitcairn."
"What? You're discriminating against me! Attica! Attica! Help! He touched me!!"
"I hate this job."

Thursday, July 10, 2008

There's only so much room under the bus

As both candidates continue lightening their load by ejecting from a finite supply of ballast, someone's likely to point out that keeping the balloon up by hot air alone only works as long as you can fuel all the people all the time.

Off-shore, ANWR, and Everywhere Else


Myron Cohen told the story of a man who lay dying in his upstairs bed. His wife was downstairs in the kitchen making cookies. The man calls his young son, whom he loved very much, to his side.

"Joshie, my boy, I'm dying."
"I know, pappa."
"What is your mother doing?"
"She's in the kitchen making cookies."
"Oy, your mother's wonderful cookies. I love them so. Go downstairs and tell momma to send me up some cookies."
So the boy goes downstairs and returns a minute later empty-handed.
"Joshie, did you bring me some cookies?"
"No, pappa."
"No? But I love your momma's cookies. Go and get some."
"Momma said I can't give you any cookies, poppa."
"What? Did she say why?"
"She said the cookies were for after the funeral."

Pump the oil. Mother Nature won't die.

Monday, July 7, 2008

The used car salesmen of politics

Mark Hemingway writes over at NRO (excerpted):
But I suspect that is because direct mail is still one of the few areas where conservatives and Republicans have a major fundraising advantage. If direct mail fundraisers were to become viewed by the general public as the used car salesmen of politics, they could then use it against any Republican who employed the supposedly shady fundraising method.

What else would you call a system that keeps over eighty percent of the funds it raises?

Now you're probably thinking that keeping 83 percent of the money is still a lot. But it's not, and you would understand that if the article didn't demonstrate a pretty shoddy grasp of how direct mail fundraising works.

I don't care how it works. I'll wager that if you let the prospective donors in on the fact that less than twenty cents of every dollar they donate gets to the intended recipient, they'd not donate in the first place.

At least a used car salesman sends you off the lot with a car.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Crumbling Pompeii

Archaeologists and art historians have long complained about the poor upkeep of Pompeii, dogged by lack of investment, mismanagement, litter and looting. Bogus tour guides, illegal parking attendants and stray dogs also plague visitors. --- Reuters
How to tell if your tour guide was bogus.

1. After explaining how Vesuvius rides on a plate, he sold you a six-place setting.
2. He charged extra to see The Forum, calling it The Fivem in devalued dollars.
3. Told you the fresco you heard about was a soft drink, sold you a six-pack.
4. Convinced you the Marina gate was named after Marina Sirtis, Deanna Troi of Star Trek. Sold you a bobble-head Captain Kirk.
5. Told you Via di Nola means Street of New Orleans, Louisiana. Sold you some ancient plastic beads from the Pompeiian Mardi Gras.
6. Told you the placard on that lavish villa, "Aulus Vettius Restitutus," meant "All tour guides get paid here."

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

What the FARC?

their plane went down while they were on a drug-monitoring flight
Pilot: Howdy, folks. Welcome aboard this drug monitoring flight.
Passenger: What the hell's a drug monitoring flight?
Pilot: [turning to face passengers] We're going to see how high we can get, man.
Passenger: Oh, my god. It's Tommy Chong! Bail out! Bail out!
Pilot: Is that you, Dave?
Passengers: [in unison] Dave's not here!

It's in the woods


Slight differences in the growth rings in wood from which violins are made might help determine sound quality, distinguishing a mellow-toned Stradivarius from an ordinary instrument. --- Science News

I thought they decided the varnish made the difference. But that was long ago, and now my consolation is in the sawdust of the song...

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The tuition of electoral college

My country 'tis of thee,
Strictly duopoly;
Whence freedom's voice?
College electoral
Smothers the free-for-all,
Gives us same horse, same stall...
It's Hobson's choice.