Monday, September 22, 2008

A banker's fable


Chuck Schumer comes over to your house and harangues you to let his friend borrow your car. Initially refusing, you finally submit after hours of browbeating, scolding, and being accused of selfishness. Schumer's friend drives your car two blocks, wrecks it, and sues you for the hospital bill. Schumer says, "What were you thinking?"

Sunday, September 21, 2008

There's no accounting for, well, accounting


Jerry Bowyer, chief economist at Benchmark Financial Network, faults regulations themselves for the mess: “Large financial institutions like Lehman Brothers built their balance sheets under certain sets of rules. But then those rules were changed. In the wake of the Enron scandal, numerous regulations were modified in ways that guarded against future attempts to make corporate earnings appear to be higher than they really were.”
So accounting rules designed to prevent another Enron had the effect of uncovering other Enrons... so the rules were a mistake.   Got it.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

New boss, same as the old boss


That's the emperor's new clothes of this election.   Obama is not running on any platform every Democrat hasn't run on in my memory.   It's trash the economy, hype misery, and promote dependency.   That isn't change, it's pandering to the core.   Don't look for any 'crossing the aisle,'   from a party where the already pathetic 'reach out' is merely a cross-dressed 'reach around.'

Thursday, September 18, 2008

On the plane with Obama


"Mr Wolffe, we have got to get some face time with Obama. The bloggers are eating our lunch out there."
"I'll tell you what, Sam, let's make a deal. I'll bring the nominee back here and allow you on-the-record exchanges coupled with off-the-record chit-chat. One to one. Will that help?"
"We'll take what we can get, Wolfie."
"Alright then. Barry, could you come back into the press cabin, please?"
"Sure. Hello folks. How's it going?"
"Fine, Mr Obama. The first question is a chit-chat, to get started."
"Okay, shoot."
"What is your take on the Iran situation?"
""Well, guys, Iran plans to nuke Israel, and I gotta tell you, it can't come soon enough for me. I'm sick of kowtowing to American Jews, paying too much for oil, and living with terrorist jihad that stems directly from our support for Israel. I'd nuke 'em myself, if I could."
[Stunned silence]
"Uh, Mr Obama, on the record, what is your take on the Iran situation?"
"Well, we have to take a very nuanced approach to the multifaceted, complex interaction among ancient cultures and hostilities. We must exhaust diplomacy and give multilateralism a chance to work."
"Uhm, Mr Obama, how should we deal with abortions where the abortee is accidentally born?"
"Great question, Sam. As you know, I voted to chop 'em up and toss 'em out."
"And on the record? Did you vote to destroy accidentally born fetuses?"
"Why no. But since my voting records for that period were accidentally classified NATO Secret, you'll have to take my word for it."
"Mr Obama, do you think it was a mistake to skip over Hillary Clinton as your veep nominee?"
"Off the record? Yes. I'd be swept into office with a chapter in the history books before the inaugural address, while McCain would have been saddled with some creepy white guy running mate, doomed."
"On the record?"
"No, picking Biden was not a mistake. The downtrodden, home-losing, marginally-employed, subsistence farmers will not be crucified on a cross of gold."
[Stunned silence]
"Mr Obama, off the record, the plane cabin has been getting drafty, noisy, and cold. Would you ask the pilot to turn up the heat?"
"Sorry to hear that Sam. What I can tell you is during preflight for this trip, they found a structural crack in the tail section and warned there was a chance the entire ass-end of the plane could detach and fall to the ground. Guess it's likelier than I thought."
"Mr Obama, for the record, is this plane coming apart?"
"Let's just say we may be going our separate ways. Those of us with parachutes wish to remind the rest of you that your seat cushion serves only as a flotation device, and is not aerodynamically suitable for acceleration delay. Use only as directed."
[Stunned silence]
[Opening scene from LOST]

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

And so it goes


Palin is bulletproof; the press is kicking against the pricks, creating a Rube Goldbergian counterpunch that sends their credibility bouncing off the National Enquirer, overturning a pile of flaming DailyKos which melts the weightless balloon of cable punditry, lowering the anvil of derision onto the chairman of General Electric, startling him into dropping his cigar and kicking over the Huffington perch, forcing the NBC parrot to drop its peacock pose and shrilly confess, "Polly doesn't want a cracker!"

Monday, September 15, 2008

Obama's Big Ears

"What's your name, boy?"
"Nibbles. Pistol Grips Nibbles."
"What do they call you?"
"They call me Mr Nibbles."

Sunday, September 14, 2008

A song for Obama


I'm not Lisa

Rewritten for John McCain

I'm Not Dubyah

"I'm not Dubyah, my name is Mackey,
"Dubyah blew it, long ago.
"My Veep's not hair-plugged,
"Her dude Iditarods,
"Your only 'mush' is some stump speech."

"You did some Europe thing
"That reeked of shark jumping,
"You wowed the German throngs,
" 'Ere strutting home."

"But soon the DNC,
"Hubris epitome,
"Greek columns styrofoam,
"Felt Arctic's sword."

"For came the RNC,
"Came Rudy Giulani,
"Came statuesque Cindy,
"Came Piper and fam'ly,
"Left you crying in your beer.
"Wailing dead fish, lipstick pigs."

"That's not Dubyah, that's the Gov'nuh,
"Sarah Palin with McCain.
"Sending you and
"Mainstream media,
"Circling 'round the drain again."

"I'm not Dubyah."

Saturday, September 13, 2008

What? Where's the gardener? I can't water !


I read where Obammy-mammys are criticizing McCain for not getting voice-recognition software to create email since he can't use a keyboard.
These would be among the technology-enslaved drama queens Judge Milan lambasted on The People's Court yesterday for claiming they "need" a cell-phone.

/yes, I watch it every day.
//because Judge Milan is a redhead, dammit!
///tell 'em what 'e won, Ed.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Lunch with Barry and Bill


"Bill, I want to thank you for having lunch with me today."
"Don't mention it, Barry. Since Hillary's out on the campaign trail for you, I have a little more time. You don't mind eating at my desk, do you?"
"No, of course not."
"That's fine. Care for a drumstick?"
"That's awfully small. Is it quail?"
"No, it's crow. Eat plenty."
"Ah. Okay."
"Be sure to save room for some pie, though."
"Great! Apple?"
"No, humble. And Hillary wanted me to make sure you take some of this for Joe Biden to eat."
"What is that?"
"She called it her dust."
"This isn't going too well, is it?"
"No. But you can eat some of this..."
"...and die?"
"I think you've got it, now."
"I'll be leaving now."
"Please do."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Live Blogging the NY Observer


In an internet first, what follows in the liveblogging of an article, namely Hard Fall: What Happened to NBC? from the New York Observer.

“This makes me so mad, because it’s so untrue,” Mr. Griffin [president of cable-news network MSNBC] said.
Walk like a man,
Talk like a girl.

Or maybe he's one of those
sister-brothers opposed to those
“straight” journalists of NBC
On the other hand...
nobody from GE had ever big-footed his domain
...and you know what big feet mean. Plus, if you've ever had your domain big-footed, you know how painful it is.
our guys don’t want to be restrained
I think it was the ball gag that finally queered the deal, though.
Mr. Griffin said he was feeling gung-ho about the network’s performance.
Gung-ho could not be reached for comment.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

In case you didn't TIVO the Obama-Palin debate


Moderator: You can't cheat an honest man.
Palin: Amen.
Obama: D'oh!

Sitrep: The Obama Campaign

Obama Campaign Insider Status Report

Exclusive Daily Updates from Democratic Campaign Headquarters

Narratives? Surely you joust.


I haven't been paying attention. What I do grasp, I forget anyway. What I notice is this 'narrative' thing seems to have latched onto a capillary of the body politick and found a home. Is narration the new touchstone?

If we're going to elect people based on their stories, which are concocted, burnished, and sold like snake oil as we go, then personality is a better description of what we vote for than issues, and Rick Davis is not only correct, but trivially so.

But if we're not to be picking presidents from 'Just So' stories, there's more to it than that.

Buried beneath this strata of trivial pursuits lie bedrock principles, differences between liberalism and conservatism. But the connection is being lost. Cut off from philosophical raisons d'etre, left with goals of little more than attaining power, we get the vacuous blather of an Obama and the label 'maverick' and 'extremist' for anyone actually rooted in something unchanging.

Obama and Biden are Democrats.

McCain and Palin are not what the big-spending, deficit-loving Republicans have become. And bless 'em for it.

By attacking the narratives, the Obamanation is ceding the philosophical battle. US Weekly, MSNBC, and Sally Quinn are finding out the narration windmill is not only unsuitable for jousting, but reveals itself as a mirage only after considerable mulepower has been wasted.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Dallas Cowboys open up can of whup-ass


Near the end of his tenure, Tom Landry switched away from his Doomsday Defense and went for big, heavy (but very polite) linemen. The first few opponents were literally blown over by the new behemoths but reported that, after being steamrolled, the opposition player would be helped to his feet by the young Cowboy amid regrets and apologies for having flattened him.

That's what we saw yesterday, with 300+ pound, alarmingly mobile, Sumo-boys ironing out creases in the Browns, complemented by an offensive line wall that could seal the border with Mexico in the offseason. Romo took a chin full of stitches from one play, but had the Browns in stitches the rest of the game.

Future opponents will have to plan for Felix Jones, while Patrick Crayton and T.O. eat their lunch aloft. It's gonna be a fun season.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Adrift and holed


Their boat is dead in the water, perceptibly sinking. Biden clanks a pair of rusty metal balls, nervously watching a thunderstruck Obama who fumbles with an astrolabe, wondering where to plug it in. Meanwhile, the pirates, reeling from a counterbarrage that shows no signs of abating, grab their tingling peglegs, double-down on their parrots, and wonder who stole the Jolly from their Jolly Rogering.

Dude, where's my DeLorean?


The 'party of change' pleading for a bridge to the New Deal, running on a 'broken' America, is 'all cage - no bird,' indistinguishable from Kerry, Gore, Dukakis and every other losing campaign powered by envy, malaise, and limp exhortations for universal free lunch.

Some change. A hoax and a hack.

Been there, done that, sent them packing.

What the Democrats want is to 'move America ahead' to the past.

I'd prefer returning to the optimism of Reagan, moving back to the future.

Dude, where's my DeLorean?

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Monkeys unspanked


The spectacular running of media lemmings after anything, anything to destroy Governor Palin's VP nomination, tabloidized a New York Times that couldn't be bothered with the Edwards soap opera, but could not bring itself to climax. This tumescent fantasy in search of an orgasm exposed the onanistic monkey spankers, leaving in its wake frustrated press war rooms full of blue balls. How are those Rapid Attack Teams working for you, RAT-lovers everywhere?

Friday, September 5, 2008

Beyond tree hugging

Hysterical hippies crying over fallen trees [video]

"I'm bored, mom. These trees aren't doing anything."
"Well, what do you want to do, honey?"
"Let's play a game."
"What would you like to play?"
"Rock, scissors, paper."
"Oh, my god. Where did you hear that?"
"At school."
"What filth. The horror! The horror!"
"What's wrong, momma!"
"You might as well whack baby Jesus upside the head."
"What's a Jesus, momma?"
"It's like the bestus tree in the woods, the biggest rock."
"I'm still bored."
"Don't say 'bored,' honey. It sounds too much like 'board.'
"Well, how about this clod then?"
"You mean Claude?"
"That's fine. Play with Claude."

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sarah Palin --- CinC of Media War I


A beautiful, confident, articulate, independent, accomplished—and conservative—woman apparently has enraged Team Obama, the mainstream media, and the entire American intelligentsia, as if they got collectively hit by a cruise missile aimed from Middle America. --- Pajamas Media
That's some industrial grade chain-yanking there.
The yellow journalist who buys ink by the barrel
is being stood up against the wall by a nation of
Davids who dispense bytes by the billions.