Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Love for sale

Postal service: Worker stole $20,000 in stamps for mortgage

"Pssst.  Hey, you...come over here."
"What? What do you want?  Are you selling something?"
"Yeah.  Hey, listen, I got half-priced love."
"Half-price?  How much you got?"
"A hunnert dollars worth for fifty bucks."
"What kind of love?"
"Well, it's like you won't have to lick 'em."
"I really hadn't planned on licking them..."
"All you have to do is peel 'em and stick 'em."
"Oooo!   I like that.  Where are they?"
"I got 'em right here."
"That's just a roll of stamps."
"Yeah, but hey, they're LOVE stamps."
"Say, aren't you my mailman?"
"It's the haircut.  Everybody thinks I'm their mailman.  Well, I'm outta here."
"Bye now. Dang...that's some haircut..."

Monday, May 11, 2009

Blah blah, blah-blah [John Derbyshire]
Monday, May 11, 2009
Blah blah, blah-blah  [John Derbyshire]

Blah blah-ah blah blah, blah - blah blah. Blah, blah-blah-blah, blah!  Blah.

Blah-blah, blah/blah, blah blah-blah blah blah.

    The ordinary modes of human thinking are magical, religious, and social. We want our wishes to come true; we want the universe to care about us; we want the esteem of our peers. For most people, wanting to know the truth about the world is way, way down the list.

Blah-blah blah blah (blah) blah, blah.  Blah blah; blah.

[Occasionally, the internet inadvertently leaks out something profound.]

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Buck Up


Buck Up

Pirates, hackers and suicide bombers,
you're not even safe at home.
They'll come down the intertubes --
snatch all your data, or blow up
your tour group in Rome.

What good is having a Defense Department
with wide open borders and sky?
If the suitcase nukes or swine flu don't getcha,
they'll serve up  a new way to die.

So rattle your cage bars, trade 'safety' for freedom,
keep terror  from clouding your day.
'Cause just like the cops, fedguv will tell you,
"When it comes down to seconds, we're only minutes away!"

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"Bring me fraud's head on a platter!"


Writing on physicist fraud:

"Science was corrected in the Schön case, but not by itself – only because individual scientists made corrections. From would-be replicators in dozens of labs to many sceptics, only a couple of researchers were transformed into whistle-blowers by the unlikely pattern of [duplicated] evidence."

Reich continues, "Fraud was able to stifle questions about Schön's lab technique that would otherwise have been asked, and to turn review processes at journals into opportunities for additional fabrication. Other scientists' support of the fraud was unwitting, but the decision to place so much trust in a colleague was a conscious rationalisation that continues to be defended in science to this day."

Who is this fraud, and why is he stifling me? Even Reich, it seems, must lapse into passive aggression. How could so many be fooled for so long? As Family Circus would say, "Beats me. Not me. I dunno."

It isn't the first time gobbledy-gook cooked books have been taken for gospel. Won't be the last. Still, it self-corrects sooner or later. There's that.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Things you might see at Felony Frank's


"Felony Franks is Jim Andrews' new hot dog stand, currently under construction on a busy West Side corner, decorated with freshly painted wieners donning prison garb and a ball and chain, proclaiming "food so good it's criminal."

"Our cooks went to Screw U."
"Do you want to fry with that?"
Try our Diet Dog. It's lite without possibility of a roll.
Your hotdog is free if the cashier doesn't shank you.
Please count your change carefully. We need time to molest your woman.
Employees must wipe their shivs before returning to the service line.
Don't like mustard?  No problem.
Don't like relish?  No problem.
Don't like serial rapists?  We got a problem.

Do not accept hot dogs from server's lap.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Resumé or rap sheet?

The NYT has this to say of Jennifer M. Granholm as a prospect to replace Souter on the USSC:

Jennifer M. Granholm is governor of Michigan and has served as a federal prosecutor and the state's attorney general. 

She stood in for Sarah Palin to help Joseph R. BIden Jr. prepare for the vice-presidential debate last fall.  Which qualifies her as what, exactly?

She has practical experience as a hands-on politician... And we want that in a judge? dealing with the ailing auto industry, the state's budget woes and the troubled city of Detroit. Three dismal failures.

Would you hire this applicant?

H/T Neptunus Lex

I can't even afford to dress poor


Is this Poverty Chic?  I see it as paying a substantial premium for clothing that looks like it came from the local Scratch 'N' Sniff factory-seconds store. 

This dressed-up dressing down is only successful, though, when everyone knows you're doing it.   The point is to show solidarity with people who can't eat and buy $500 canvas spads while refusing to live like one .

Absent the press pointing out your faux thriftiness, as opposed to castigating the governor of Alaska for doing the real thing, and without the same press being a weather vane of Obama vanity, the mini-theater to be had of it all would devolve into wondering how a society in the throes of economic alarmism nonetheless finds time and money for such conceit.

Friday, May 1, 2009

New York, New York

New York City police have begun handing out small cards telling people why they were stopped and searched on city streets.

"Why did you stop me, officer?"
"It's part of our positive reinforcement program."
"What do you mean?"
"I found you doing something good.  You stopped when the 'don't walk' signal came on."
"So, what was frisking me all about, then?"
"Checking you for lumps.  Cancer, you know."
"And these handcuffs?"
"It's just a precaution."
"So what's the positive reinforcement?"
"I'm positive I"ll have some reinforcement in a minute.  Then we're going to kick your ass.  This is New York, you know."
"It's a hell of a town."
"It sure is.  Now get up against the car."