The Negotiation

.

"I'll surrender my armies and hand up my sword
depending on how you will treat me, my lord."

The weary commander, resolved in his voice,
sized up his opponent then gave him a choice.

"Stand down your attackers, call off the strike,
and I'll mercifully put your chopped head on a pike."

"What would you do with my body below?"
the squinty-eyed foreigner wanted to know.

"I'll tie your bare limbs one each to a steed,
then drive them to gallup away at high speed."

"And what would become of my thus quartered torso?"
"I'll paint each limb blue then bludgeon it moreso."

"And will my piked head be looking toward home?"
the supplicant asked as the commander groaned.

"Listen, you jack-wad, you're going to be dead.
What does it matter which way goes your head?"

And with that the commander unsheathed his sword,
whacked his opponent, cut off his gourd.

The lesson, my children, to take from this bit
is get what you can but don't sweat the small shit.

JAG - Muslim style

.

Hammon Raab, the sharia attaché for a Pashtun military commander, tries to find a balance between guns and ghee or between making war and love, hence the series title acronym JAG (Jihad And Goatery). Raab ultimately goes for the goat, and no one gets yurt.

Your Hit Parade - Muslim style

Each week, the names and addresses of ten Baghdad Christians are broadcast. Shit happens. Hits happen.

Muslim Ice Road Truckers

.

Mohammed finds that taking four prayer breaks a day is killing his load count.

Meanwhile fifty miles north in Tuktoyaktuk, Mohammad realizes that his load consists of two thousand gallons of used grease, primarily melted pig fat. In a fit of porcine repulsion, Mohammad leaves his rig in a huff, gets lost in a white out and freezes to death.

A hundred miles away, tensions mount among Hugh, Polar Bear, and Mohameht over whether Lisa should be required to wear a hijab under her burqa. Lisa resolves the dispute by shooting Mohmeht and throwing his body down Atigun pass.

Must-see TV in 2011

.
Don't miss the finale of Ethiopian Idol, where the last contestant standing, after months of brutal begging for food resulted in death by starvation of one candidate a week, receives a comb.

Climate follies

This is the chart that shows temperatures over the last 10,000 years; as you can see, virtually all of that time has been warmer than the present. Click to enlarge:

We are still warming up from the Little Ice Age, and, according to these data, we have quite a distance to go before we reach temperatures that are normal in historical terms. This chart also reflects the fact that human civilization has generally prospered the most during warmer periods.

http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2 ... 028039.php

Mobile phone masts linked to mysterious spikes in births

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The Cell Tower Blues

Well, I woke up this mornin',
rolled outta bed,
looked at mah honey,
who looked back and said,

"See out the window?
That steel-hard cell mast?
You give me summa dat,
or you've had your last."

I got the cell tower blues.
My woman thinks it's funny
to keep popping crotch fruit
like Energizer bunnies.

We got more kids than sense
and I'm sick to death of balling
but that damned cell phone tower
shows no signs of falling.

I got the cell tower blues,
and don't mind multiplying
but, lord, being fruitful,
is getting stupefying.

TOTUS on the job

,
...and I would just like to say here
[smile]
...that it is my pleasure to
[look at Pelosi]
...wish the soon to be ex-speaker
[scratch your ass]
[it's around back]
...the best.