Ouch

Porn film permits drop in Los Angeles because new law requires condoms

.

We don't 'low bare-backin' here in LA;
facials ain't too likely in our flicks.
If you're thinkin' it's too big a turnoff,
find some other town to fluff your dicks.

And I'm proud to be a porn star from Fontana,
a place where hooters meet and asses clash.
We keep late night internet pulsatin',
so upstandin' folks can watch and send us cash.

Abuse of Students Doing Anthropological Fieldwork

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 094809.htm

The researchers defined sexual assault as "any kind of inappropriate physical contact, unwanted physical touching, assault, all the way up to rape," Clancy said.

I said, "Don't touch that coed, Ethyl! Hand me the pliers!"
But it was too late. She had already coptiphile.

Tie a yellow iPad on the old oak tree

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I'm coming home with my degree
and I've got to know if my old room's still free.
Living on my own was such a trip,
I got good at smoking dope and acting hip.
But there's no demand for graduates with black lesbo degrees,
so I'm thinking I can sponge off you in this economy.

Oh, tie a yellow iPad on the old oak tree
if I still get room and board rent-free.
Or forget about that and pass the hat to give me some money,
just tie a yellow iPad on the old oak tree.

Now the whole damned bus is quiet and I can't believe I see ...
you've sold the place, moved out of state without a word to me.
And an all-caps note, "THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE," on the old oak tree.

Beaver Bites Man To Death

..

There once was a man from Brest,
who stopped at a buddy's behest
to bother a beaver
with teeth like a cleaver;
the rodent performed its dammedest.

Post office retreats on eliminating Saturday mail

.

Rolling, blowing, growing,
keep that junk mail flowing,
though it's landfill going, 'S alright!

Through all kinds of hazard,
sleet and snow and blizzard,
the mailman's a modern wizard,
and you'll be getting junk six days a week!
'S alright!

There's a kind of harsh

.
There's a kind of harsh all over the world tonight,
all over the world you can read the rants of rudeness and scorn.
You know what I mean, just the two of us and nobody else logged in,
there's nobody else and I'm throttling you with emoticons.

So scroll down very carefully, closer now
and you will feel my garotte, in case you forgot.
The only thing that can be seen is when I unload right on your screen:
 You're a derp, forever and ever.
There's a kind of harsh all over the world tonight,
all over the web, that's right, and it's better than porn.