Note from school

Wendell Weedy
Principal
Fort Enduring Courage Elementary School

Dear Parent(s) of a FECES child,

You are doubtless aware of the school shooting simulation run in the Halfway, OR, school wherein the students were at home.

Well, we don't do things halfway here at Fort Enduring Courage Elementary School. By the time you are reading this notification, FECES security facilitator Aafia Siddiqui will have completed operation KAOS (Keeping Anarchy Out of School).

At the time of this writing, the operation is deemed over. We regret the loss of the cheerleader squad, whose pom-poms were mistaken for gunsmoke and are looking into FECES rainy day funds to see if compensation is available for parents of class 4B, whose members perished from glass shards and cuts when exiting their Peace Through Eating Glue class through the second floor glass windows.

Be sure there were lessons learned in KAOS and that we're doing all we can to keep violence out of our school.

Sincerely,


Wendel

Quality circle

Registered sex offender?

.

"Get your hands off me! Help, help!"
"Shhhh. Cool it, baby. You're gonna like this."
"You're just a rapist! Help!"
"It's okay, baby. I'm registered with the state."
"Really?"
"I got papers."
"Well, okay."

Bottoms Up, Lame Duck

• 
  
• 
  

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/01/opinion/dowd-bottoms-up-lame-duck.html?hp&_r=2&

The job of the former community organizer and self-styled uniter is to somehow get this dunderheaded Congress, which is mind-bendingly awful, to do the stuff he wants them to do. It’s called leadership.

He still thinks he’ll do his thing from the balcony and everyone else will follow along below. That’s not how it works.

Elderly schoolgirl Maureen Dowd subtly gigs Obama's self-image as that of the Pope or Mussolini or dare one wish it, Romania's ex-tator Ceaușescu. Whatever it is, watching MoDo excoriate Boom Boom leads me to almost wish an exchange of Miss American Treacle Peggy Noonan for newly vitriolic Dowd. Almost but not quite.

The War on Pressure Cookers

.

To broaden the war on terrorism's scope,
WMD henceforth stands for What Moms Do.

North Korea hacks Pentagon

.
"It say, "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.""
"God damn Army!"

Belief in God Can Improve Mental Health Outcomes

.

Our Placebo, which art in our imaginations,
vapor be thy ware. Thy palliative come,
thy work be done, in the mental ward as it
is in slow-pay. Give us this day a double-blind
test and forgive us when we fudge the numbers.
For thine is the theory-puncturer, the deflator,
and low-cost alternative forever and ever, amen.