Wednesday, October 23, 2013


TWEET ME: Sunday at Toronto's CN tower, you in green blouse, brown slacks. Me in crotchless spandex leotards. I'm here naked for you.

TWEET ME: I was videographing SUV sinking. You were screaming for help getting your seatbelt off. Did I leave my press pass?

TWEET ME: Master Bakery, Asbury Park. You got my cream filling, I got your muffin. Let's do something hot, sweet and sticky.

TWEET ME: Foley Square Laundromat. I took your dryer load by mistake. Need the pumps that go with beige pantsuit.

TWEET ME: The Voice. I didn't turn my chair around for you. Your relatives chained themselves to my fence. We can run off to Vegas now.

TWEET ME: Diana from Shawboro. Loved you all my adult life. It's still only you. Now's our time. If a woman answers, hang up.

TWEET ME: Master Bakery, Asbury Park. You got my cream filling, I got your muffin. Let's do something hot, sweet and sticky.

TWEET ME: Online at a gang bang in Peoria. I didn't know she was your sister. Please give me back my stuff.

TWEET ME: Tascosa Drive-In Theater. You were in the white Thunderbird. I was in the Nissan pickup. I WAS PUMPING UP A VOLLEY BALL

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Twitter 101

Gypsies, eh?

"Those poor, beleaguered people," said Clifford, as the light rain washed away his newly-paved driveway and the "paint" off his house. He turned and entered his home, concerned that his daughter had not yet returned from her "date."

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Tweet Me!

TWEET ME: I held bus door open for you, got a "fuck you" look. Go up to Canal St, 2 blocks to Riverfront. Turn left to the river. Jump in.

TWEET ME: You were moving down the escalator at the Midtown Macy's. I was throwing up. Great catch. The Giants need you.

TWEET ME: You had me thrown off the Raleigh Amtrak for flashing you. Met your mom at hobo camp down the line. We're siblings.

TWEET ME: Saw you in the 10/17 Jay Leno audience. Ugliest woman I ever seen. We may be related.

TWEET ME: You wrote my name and number on Port Authority stall walls. You deserve a cut of the profits.

TWEET ME: 38th St subway platform, I flashed you. Will pay to get my cock ring back.

TWEET ME: Cowboys game in the stands, I intercepted your hot dog and instead passed down a joint. Let me help with your bail.

TWEET ME: I whistled at you from my cement truck, you birded me and fell over a fire hydrant. I found your dentures.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Just Another Day at the Airport

"This is a waste of time and you TSA bastards are a bunch of goons!"
"Wha--- whoa! Get up against the wall, ma'am. Finley, get over here!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Handcuff her."
"Want the ball gag, too, sir?"
"Yes. Ball- gag 'er.
"How about the butt plug, sir?"
"Hold on. Ma'am, are you going to give me any more shit?"
"Give 'er the butt plug, Finley."

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Consequences of Obamacare

Knock Knock
"Whaddya want?"
"Joe sent me."
"Are you a surgeon?"
"Yes, I do."
"I mean, do you do surgery?"
"Yes, I am."
"Do you get referrals from other doctors?"
"What kind?"
"Terminal cases, and slow pay."
"Come on in."

They're both bloodthirsty?

The main difference between Yahweh and Allah seems to be their willingness to delegate.  Allah commands his followers to do the atrocities that Yahweh reserved to himself.