On Jan. 1, a new law in Ireland made blasphemy an offense punishable by a fine of up to $35,000. That ludicrous political maneuver was promptly answered by Irish advocacy group Atheist Ireland, which published a list of 25 blasphemous quotes from Frank Zappa, George Carlin and other godless jerks.
We decided to toss in 10 more quotations and lyrics from South Park, Arthur C. Clarke and others — including that dick Gandhi — to stand up for free speech (on the Emerald Isle and elsewhere). But we need your help to rub the blasphemy in even deeper.
Scan our list of barbs that might make Bible-thumpers break the First Commandment, then drop your own in the comments section below. Jehovah, Jehovah!
XTC, lyrics to “Dear God“: Dear God, don’t know if you noticed / But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book / And us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look / And all the people that you made in your image still believe that junk is true / Well I know it ain’t, and so do you.
Sci-fi writer Arthur C. Clarke, in a Free Inquiry magazine interview: “It is amazing how childishly gullible humans are. There are, for example, so many different religions — each of them claiming to have the truth, each saying that their truths are clearly superior to the truths of others — how can someone possibly take any of them seriously? I mean, that’s insane.”
Indian leader Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, commenting on religion: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.”
The Mole, in a scene from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut: “Why? Because God hates me, that’s why. He has made my life miserable. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded…. Where is your God when you need him, huh? Where is your beautiful, merciful faggot now? Here I come, God. Here I come, you fucking rat.”
Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, in a Free Inquiry magazine interview: “We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing, all-powerful God, who creates faulty humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes.”
Death-metal band Vader, lyrics to “Helleluyah! (God Is Dead)“: Smell of burnt bodies / Slaughtered virgin lies dead without the face / Men staring at the skies / Singing lines and eating sand of waste / God is dead! Dead! Helleluyah!
Maria the cleaning woman, in a scene from Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life: So now I’m cleaning up in here but I can’t be really sad / ‘Cause you see I feel that life’s a game / You sometimes win or lose / And though I may be down right now at least I don’t work for Jews.
Comedian Bill Hicks: “I’m sorry if anyone here is Catholic. I’m not sorry if you are offended, I’m actually sorry. Just the fact that you’re Catholic. Gotta be one of the most ludicrous fucking beliefs ever. Like these vampire priests sink their twin fangs of guilt and sin into you as a child and suck your joy of life out of you the rest of your fucking existence.”
Rationalist Arab philosopher, poet and writer Al-Ma’arri: “Do not suppose the statements of the prophets to be true; they are all fabrications. Men lived comfortably till they came and spoiled life. The sacred books are only such a set of idle tales as any age could have and indeed did actually produce.”
Punk rocker Jello Biafra and NoMeansNo, lyrics to “Jesus Was a Terrorist“: Jesus was a terrorist, enemy of the state / That’s what the Romans labeled him so he was put to death / He died for his beliefs; what’s changed today / Today Bible-thumping cannibals reap money from his name / Buy cable networks and power with old ladies’ checksVia Underwire
And for your further reading pleasure.....
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” ~Emo Philips
“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.” ~H. L. Mencken
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.” ~Ambrose Bierce
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? ~Mark Twain