Mobile phone masts linked to mysterious spikes in births

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The Cell Tower Blues

Well, I woke up this mornin',
rolled outta bed,
looked at mah honey,
who looked back and said,

"See out the window?
That steel-hard cell mast?
You give me summa dat,
or you've had your last."

I got the cell tower blues.
My woman thinks it's funny
to keep popping crotch fruit
like Energizer bunnies.

We got more kids than sense
and I'm sick to death of balling
but that damned cell phone tower
shows no signs of falling.

I got the cell tower blues,
and don't mind multiplying
but, lord, being fruitful,
is getting stupefying.

TOTUS on the job

,
...and I would just like to say here
[smile]
...that it is my pleasure to
[look at Pelosi]
...wish the soon to be ex-speaker
[scratch your ass]
[it's around back]
...the best.

We're almost there

Makes me wonder if it's time for
Bodysnatching Invaders Meet
Ma and Pa Kettle.

Grandma, Don't Toss That Newspaper

An elderly Manhattan woman living on Social Security was slapped with a $100 ticket -- for throwing away a newspaper in a city trash can.

To the tune of Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys

Grandma don't toss your newspaper into that trashcan.
The city attorney will bust your old chops
And send you a summons to deal with the cops.

Grandma don't toss your newspaper into that trashcan.
The tourists will see ya and get the idea
Old women don't cherish their TImes.

Garbage ain't easy to love and it leaks on the floor.
But you know you're a packrat, so horde that rank treasure galore,
moldy damp coffee grounds, transcripts of speeches by Gore.

And each day begins a new pile,
And if you wear nose plugs and don't die too soon of the shame,
the roaches will have a field day.

Grandma don't toss your newspaper into that trashcan.
The city attorney will bust your old chops
And send you a summons to deal with the cops.

How to tell you are in a gay hotel.

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How to tell you are in a gay hotel.

1. The desk rings for the ball-boy, not the bell-boy.
2. When they ask if you have a reservation --- about bondage.
3. When something like this is on your room wall ---