Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Star Trek: Wedgie

"Plot complication showing up on ship's sensors now, Captain. I am switching to visual...Computer data coming in now, Captain. It's just what we need: a colossal negative space wedgie of great power coming right at us at warp speed."

Captain: Roger. Doctor Crusher?
Crusher: Crusher here.
Captain: We are expecting a massive wedgie. Get sick bay ready for casualties.
Crusher: Captain, I ... we don't have procedures for treating wedgies. Request permission to use the emergency medical hologram as a guinea pig for testing possible treatments.
Captain: Granted.
EMH: What is the nature of the emerg... What in the hell is that? You can't .... Aaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhh!!
Worf: Captain.
Captain: What is it Mr Worf?
Worf: Since as a Klingon I have the strongest loins of anyone on the bridge, I believe it would be best if I take command of the ship before the wedgie hits.
Riker: I don't think so, Worf. As first officer, my loins outrank yours. And as for which of us is the loiniest... Diana?
Troy: Please, Will, not now.
Riker: But you said...
Troy: I don't care what I said. I won't compare...
Worf: What did you say? Why you sorry bi....
Captain: Stop it. That's enough. How much longer do we have until the warping wedgie arrives, Mr Data?
Data: About eighteen minutes, sir.
Captain: Geordi?
LaForge: Engineering, aye.
Captain: The wedgie. Get Broccol... uhm... Barclay on it.
LaForge: Aye, aye, Captain. How long do I have?
Captain: Until the next commercial break.

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