Monday, December 8, 2008
Saddled with a Blazing NY Times
"Gentlemen, our stock lost 70% of its value in seventeen weeks. We've got to do something to protect our phony-baloney jobs. Can I get a huzzah? "
"I didn't get a huzzah from him."
<Whack!> "Huzzah!!!! Don't hit me no more!"
"Alright. Pay attention. Any suggestions, questions? Yeah, you..."
"What's stock got to do with anything? Stock don't feed my mistress's kids."
"It's the Family, Friedman. The class A extended parasi--- Family. They're getting antsy."
"Well, let the government help. They're rescuing everyone else."
"I'm not sure how long we can wait before it's too late to bail out, Maureen."
"What? Bail out? Who are you ... Michael Douglas? Not again!"
"No, Maureen. I mean we need a taxpayer bailout to keep the boat afloat long enough for us to bail out with our brogdingnagian bonuses."
"I know, I know what to do! Let's mortgage the building, float a sinking debenture, collateralize the collating machines, subjunctivinate the subordinated tax-loss carry forward, and unwind the depreciated asset forelamalamadingdong."
"Thank you for that authentic accounting gibberish, Krugman."
"He's right, you know."
"How's that Pinch?"
"Well, we mortgage the building, then drive some route delivery trucks into Washington DC. We go in a' rompin' and a' stompin', bashin' and a' cashin'..."
"...Vibin' and a' bribin'?"
"That's it, Pinch. And then we come out grabbin' and a' stabbin'."
"By George, I think we've got it."