What have you done for Aunt Zootie today?

.

"You see, dear, wealth is like manure; to do any good you have to spread it around."
"Well, mom, why doesn't daddy spread some wealth around to aunt Zootie?"
"That's aunt Zeituni, dear."
"Zucchini?"
"Whatever. Look honey, when Daddy talks about spreading wealth, he's talking about OPM."
"Opium?"
"No, dear, other people's money. Not ours. What you're thinking of is opium, the drug we get from poppies."
"Is that the same opium that religion is for the masses?"
"Where do you hear such nonsense? Daddy is the religion of the masses."
"Oh, and we get that from poppy?"
"Yes, but you can call him daddy."
"I'm very confused. I think I'll ascend to my room."
"You've been spending too much time with your father."