Chicago announces mass closing of elementary schools

Wendell Weedy
Principal
Fort Enduring Courage Elementary School

Dear Parent(s) of a FECES child,

In view of mass closing of elementary schools for under-utilization, the administration will be handling FECES a little differently for a while. The cafeteria is merging with the theater to become the catheter and speech therapy will move into the library to become therapery.

During bad times the community turns to FECES, and vice versa. The third fiscal leg of FECES's stool is our Lindsay Lohan Brownies program. Although parental subscription to the LLB remains at virtually one hundred percent, program director Moondust Starchild is looking to add capacity for a friends and relatives expansion. Please remind any new members to keep the vacuum sealed brownie packs unopened until in the owner's home. Do not open the packs in the car, as the aroma of the snacks is sticky and one never knows what will alert drug dogs.

FECES is a part of all of us, and the school staff plans to retain FECES as long as possible. Join us. It's your school and there's no such thing as getting into FECES too deeply.

Sincerely yours,

Wendell Weedy
Principal