Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Ms Squidlicker writes

From the desk of Desmonia Squidlicker
Dean of Homogenation
Fort Enduring Courage Elementary School

Dear Parent(s) of a FECES student,

It is a goal of FECES to produce uniformity among all our students such that not only is No Child Left Behind, but No Child Any Different From the Other. In furtherance of that goal, parents are requested to refrain from praising their children or to create in the child's mind the notion that he/she is prettier/smarter/sweeter or more talented than anyone else.

While this may actually be the case, without having "everyone else" in the child's social set available to make such a comparison (such as the teachers and administrators who know all the children), the parents are not qualified to make esteem modifications. To do so is to risk having the child depart from the desired norm. Speaking just for myself, it's bad enough they aren't all the same height and BMI. Lord knows it's hard enough slowing down the fast ones to the pace of the least capable.

It remains acceptable to tell your children you love them if it is done in a non-exclusive fashion without reference to reasons for your feelings. Just remember -- If God wanted different shaped cookies, he wouldn't have given us cookie cutters.

Sincerely yours,

Desmonia Squidlicker

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