The Princess and the P-E

[Cynthia McKinney] called on President-elect Obama to address the Gaza crisis, saying the weapons being used by Israel were supplied by the United States.

"Help me, Obee-ama, you're my only ---"
"Nope."

Waiting for Sleep

.

Waiting for Sleep

The circus has folded
but sometimes (at night)
    dented trumpets erupt
    and the ringmaster waves
    a lion's path of ringed fire.
    Weary of solo encagement,
    the hesitant beast falters; gathers;
    then plunges unburned through the blaze.

The theatre has closed
but sometimes (at night)
    a swirling-gowned singer dissolves
    in pearly arias to clouds of applause
    from an enthralled audience,
    numberless.

The war is ended
but sometimes (at night)
    aurora-draped skies descend
    and officers trudge waning
    armies to vanished battlefields.

Patience? Don't Get Me Started

Patience? Don't Get Me Started

It don't count
(nowattamean, Verne?)
because too one don't
>>>>>>>>make aright.

But dammit ! --
>>>>betty wouldn't purge>>>>>>>and
>>>>linda couldn't change>>>>>>>and
>>>>cynthia pitcairn don't
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>validate ticking parkets.

So
>>>>none of it counted.
Problem is, Verne, the
>>>game god damn overs
>>>whether it counts

>>>>or

>>>>not.

At the Fair

---Christmas, 1984

At the Fair.

At this summer's fair,
I asked an attendant if,
being at the head of the line at last,
I might ride the next train
of his roller coaster.

Was I sure I wanted to? he asked,
as this ride was known for high
acceleration, breathtaking plunges,
and being impossible to control
once underway.

Having survived lesser rides,
I assured him I was ready.

Then he laughed and told me
I had been for some time in the last car
of the already departed train,
having no choice anyway.

The rest of his words were lost
in exhilaration as I was
ripped out into the starlight.

The Wisdom of the Web

.

Jesus is actually a confused zombie. He's back from the dead and goes around wanting the rest of the world to eat pieces of him, instead of the other way around.

When the dominant belief system, permeating every sector of our lives, claims it is wounded because of the machinations of unbelievers, they rival only holocaust-deniers, and possibly O.J., for sheer disconnect from reality. They invalidate themselves as rational beings.

"Orlando, you can't be a pilgrim. The pilgrims had snowy white skin to match their pure Christian souls. They didn't sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods." -- Probably from Jerri Blank in "Strangers with Candy."

Believing in Santa is just a trial run with positive reinforcement for believing in Jesus.

And finally, from the proprietor of this blog, happy football-every-day?-I-love-it to you.

_Now that I can dance?

.

"_Now that I can dance?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>cracks)
craze crash, craggly
jaggeding over winter freezelock
>>>>>>>>>>>on warm water below.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Above,
sharp shiny songshards
sho
>>>wer the lifejoy of
>>new nurturlings.

Come tell me darling --
Is it really spring ?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(everywhere?

The Courting-by-snail-mail Blues

.

I worry each let
ter from my love to your life,
Impatiently dreaming its flight;

but it's no delicious
an
ti
ci
pa
tion! there's a soft leaden
>>>>>>>>>tail on this kite

Impos
sibly waiting for forever someday
entangled in thickets of how,
I need you
<<<<<I need you
>>>>>>>>>>I need you
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I need you
Now!

When up on the roof there arose such a clatter...

When up on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I drained my last Schlitz, turned off Clyde McPhatter.
Then what to my bloodshot eyes did appear,
But a Jeep Cherokee, on my bed, in first gear.

The King of Tobacco Road

.

King of the [Tobacco] Road

Senate for sale or rent,
Car-ousel guver-mint.
Hoping for change and yet
Clinton's old crones we get.
Ah, but two years of ridin' herd
Where budget is a dirty word
Leaves a prez of means by no means,
Better we lost.

Sharpton and Kennedy dine out

.
"Ya know, Kay-r0-line, we got us enough pitchers of liquid on this table to float a Oldsmobile."
"Is that some kind of Chappaquiddick crack?"
"Whaddyou know about crack, baby momma?"
"I know a crack's what you got your fanny in over Tawana Brawley."
"Oh yeah? Well crack-uh me this, cracker. Don't be putting the Doritos back into the basket after you done be touchin' 'em all up."
"I'm not putting a Dorito back, you idiot. I'm going for the handgun under the garlic toast."
"You oughtta luck, ofay. The chef be's a homie o' mine, and he done put that istolpay down the ashtray."
"Ashtray? Trash don't come out too good in pig latin, does it Al?"
"Little white trash like you won't come out too good without my peeps stuffin' the ballot box for you neither."
"Uh...."
"That's right. Now, pass me the sugar."
"One lump or two?"

Upon reading the last will and testament

.

"Your dad left you something in his will."
"Alright! What is it?"
"It's a credit card..."
"Oh, boy. I'll buy me a..."
"...it's maxed out."
"Really? What did he buy me with it?"
"A bunch of union jobs."
"Why? I already have a job."
"Union jobs for other guys."
"I don't get it."
"That's right. You just pay for it."

Why gas prices are so low (it's global warming)

FoxNews says:

WASHINGTON — More than 2 trillion tons of land ice in Greenland, Antarctica and Alaska have melted since 2003, according to new NASA satellite data that show the latest signs of what scientists say is global warming.

Consider the loss of that trillions of tons of weight. The planet, released from the mass of it, is swelling outwards, thinning below the mantle. The resultant low pressure underground will suck down oil against the pull of oil wells, depleting the refinery tanks, and possibly even emptying your gas tank!

To check this out, I drove my car to the gas station (without refueling) and back to my house. There was less gasoline in my tank than when I left!

Now we know why the price of gas has been going down. The loss of ice is pulling petrol through the pumps BACKWARDS.

On giving Bush the boot

.

This is a poem called Enablers.

Enablers.
Saddam had 'em.

Thank you, thank you.
Try the veal and
invading someone
gratefuller next time.

Season's Greetings

Walken in a winter wonderland

A word before stepping off the reservation

.

Forgive me Father, but I may be about to become devil's advocate by my own lights, and surely the antichrist him/itself in the eyes of certain others. Until something seriously untoward comes along, and as sure as destroyers emerge from their own smokescreens it will, I think the right man for the times is, albeit presumptuously and with the anal retentive faux-gravitas of a toddler commanding a troop of Fisher-Price little people, about to take office.

If the economy is going to be in shreds, industry nationaiized, and another terrorist attack to rattle our chains, how crucial it is that the left be on the field executing the plays instead of booing, second-guessing, and raining bottles down on the sideline.

It's more than the fact that the right had their chance and flubbed it. It's that the left has had too long of neither putting up nor shutting up. I for one welcome our new overlords and only regret we didn't bequeath them a republic of patriots. But I'll do what I can.

Daddy is the new Mommy

.

Daddy is the new mommy.
The OT god of sacrifice
and accountability
has finally given way to...

No more pulling the wagon.
You're all riders now!

The War We Lost

.

America changed right after the Civil War from saying "The United States are" to "The United States is." The nation's gone from compartmented dirigible to the One Big Gas Bag of blimpery, although it took a while. The shift from can-do to "where's mine?" has been lightning fast yet tectonic in nature.

It's been known for centuries that the downfall of democracy is accomplished when the electorate realizes it has the keys to the treasury, aka the other guy's pocketbook. What we've learned since is that the other guy's credit card gives us not only his money but that of his kids and grandchildren to spend right now.

It feels like we've lost a war and are occupied by a vengeful adversary bent on extracting reparations.

Sharing the post-bailout wealth

"Barry, the garbage man's here!"
"Good. Tell him to LEAVE two cans!"

Saddled with a Blazing NY Times

"Gentlemen, our stock lost 70% of its value in seventeen weeks. We've got to do something to protect our phony-baloney jobs. Can I get a huzzah? "
"Hussah!"
"Huzzah."
...
"I didn't get a huzzah from him."
<Whack!> "Huzzah!!!! Don't hit me no more!"
"Alright. Pay attention. Any suggestions, questions? Yeah, you..."
"What's stock got to do with anything? Stock don't feed my mistress's kids."
"It's the Family, Friedman. The class A extended parasi--- Family. They're getting antsy."
"Well, let the government help. They're rescuing everyone else."
"I'm not sure how long we can wait before it's too late to bail out, Maureen."
"What? Bail out? Who are you ... Michael Douglas? Not again!"
"No, Maureen. I mean we need a taxpayer bailout to keep the boat afloat long enough for us to bail out with our brogdingnagian bonuses."
"I know, I know what to do! Let's mortgage the building, float a sinking debenture, collateralize the collating machines, subjunctivinate the subordinated tax-loss carry forward, and unwind the depreciated asset forelamalamadingdong."
"Thank you for that authentic accounting gibberish, Krugman."
"He's right, you know."
"How's that Pinch?"
"Well, we mortgage the building, then drive some route delivery trucks into Washington DC. We go in a' rompin' and a' stompin', bashin' and a' cashin'..."
"...Vibin' and a' bribin'?"
"That's it, Pinch. And then we come out grabbin' and a' stabbin'."
"By George, I think we've got it."

The Bishop Takes a Chance

.

Bishop Paul Loverde of Arlington, Va., had this to say last week about his response if the abortion lobby’s Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) becomes law:

“I would say, ‘Yeah, I’m not going to close the hospital, you’re going to arrest me, go right ahead. You’ll have to drag me out, go right ahead. I’m not closing this hospital, we will not perform abortions, and you can go take a flying leap.’ ”

What a man. What a mighty man. But wait... from the same article...

There are no Catholic hospitals currently open in Bishop Loverde’s Arlington diocese...

Sigh.

What it wasn't was football.

.

"This is Big Daddy, OJ. He's your cellie."
"Uh, hello, Big Daddy."
"Hello, OJ. You like football?"
"Whew, this isn't going to be as bad as I thought. Yeah, Big Daddy,
I like football. Why do you ask?"
"'Cuz when I see a tight end playing wide receiver, then I'm going deep."
"This isn't about football, is it?"
"Shut up and turn out the light."

The Anti-Fop

Mark Steyn -- "the last non-fop
in the GOP, Sarah Palin."

Estrogen. We has it.

Nixon, now and forever ....

.

More than 2,200 hours of tape recordings from the Nixon White House now are available

Dig it. The heirs of Warren G Harding have managed to keep his personal papers unavailable.

"The Harding-Phillips love letters remain under an Ohio court protective order that expires in 2023, 100 years after Harding's death, after which the content of the letters may be published or reviewed."

Poor Nixon. He's online but Harding's not dead enough.

Ask not whom's the metaphor

driven by the metaphor of George W. Bush."

"Hey! He's a'no metaphor. He's just a' messed up with the sex."
"No, Luigi, that's a hermaphrodite, not a metaphor."
"Hey! I'm a' know my English. Ask a'me what's a metaphor."
"Okay. What's a metaphor?"
"Nothing at all. What's a metaphor you?"

A little balance, people !

.

To modern day Islam, the non-Islamic world has two wildly exaggerated faces. Infidels are seen, on the one hand, as being weak, pasty-faced, licentious, naive, heretical, stupid and undeserving of life.

On the other hand, the Muslim world sees western civilization as mad with power, Islamophobic, Jew-loving, Zionist, and energy-devouring.

The truth, as usual, is somewhere in between the two.

They shoot horses and RINOs, don't they?

.

The Republican party can be likened to a tribe of brigands finally consigned to the outback for betrayal and thievery by government on an unheard of scale. Why anyone would want to associate themselves with this rabble is one thing, but to want to be called a brigand is another, and to take an associate position as brigand-in-name-only is to reap the scorn while eschewing the benefits, if there be such.

And now, having lost most of the mesa to the half-breeds, the brigandage hopes to retake the high grounds by demonizing their wounded and shooting their survivors.

Zane Grey would call this a western tragedy, onlookers a farce. Is there anything to be salvaged? Well, here's one thing. Brigand-in-name-only hangs a target on some opportunistic palefaces who are only doing what brigands do: Take money at the point of a gun, also known as governing. Since that is the nature of briganding, in-name-only is a poor description of their shortcomings.

You want to identify the Indians in your midst? Those are the conservatives-in-name-only. CINOs are readily identifiable by how they live, what they do, and things they support. You can spot them easily, unlike RINOs, who can only be seen disappearing over the hill with your goodies when it's far too late to do anything about it.

Want a purer posse before the next raid? Get rid of the CINOs. But know this ... litmus-testing every supporter on every conservative issue and throwing out those with imperfect scores will leave you Gabby Hayes, Andy Devine, and in the wilderness forty more years.

Obama T-shirts were just the beginning

.

"I need to buy a tire."
"Whitewall or black?"
"Half and half."
"That would be the Obama tire."
"It figures."
"How about some Obama hubcaps?"
"Half and half?"
"No, no. You stop the car, they keep spinning."

Obama -- The Rorschach thaws

.

The left wing is restless; the moderats are pleasantly surprised; the right wing is spitting pre-emptory venom.

I guess that's a danger of being a Rorschach. Until Obama is sufficiently emerged from the protean possibilities of the inkblots, whatever he does will only reinforce the personal interpretation given him by individuals who may have invested keyboard capital in "nailing" Obama early on. They'll hold on to that stretching licorice stick until it finally snaps off in their hand, braying more and more loudly as it begins to dawn on them that they were wrong.

What socialism really is?

.

Jim May put it this way:

We need to insist on definition by essentials, not the pedantic meanings used by evasive intellectuals.

Socialism is not defined by who owns the means of production; it is defined by whether the individual is free to opt out of something, or not. If individuals are free to opt out of something, it’s capitalism; if the individual is not free, it’s socialism.

HT: The ineffable Billy Beck

The frightening thing about Biden

.

The frightening thing about Biden is that judging from the avalanche of gaffes the man puts out, I'm beginning to believe his assumption of another man's biography was really an honest mistake!

How to Invest in Today's Economy

.

"Trillion's the new billion" was apropos.
"Trillion's the new thousand" says "buy gold."

America takes a knee

.

"Kneel before the Messiah!"
"That's me! That's me!"
"You're the Messiah, Monica?"
"No, you idiot. I'm the Kneeler-elect."

The All-American President

.

I wish they'd stop picking on Warren G Harding.
He had Fred Thompson's energy, Jack Kennedy's morals, LBJ's waist line, and Bush's penchant for lousy appointments.
Why, he was All-American!

Dots too close to connect

.

"Media bias was more intense in the 2008 election than in any other national campaign in recent history, Time magazine's Mark Halperin said Friday at the Politico/USC conference on the 2008 election.

"It's the most disgusting failure of people in our business since the Iraq war," Halperin said at a panel of media analysts."

SAG be gwine on strike because...

because of management's desire to create productions for new media, like the Internet ... without paying residuals. These are payments that actors receive each time one of their performances is rerun.

So they're striking to get paid everytime they hit on the website that uses their clip? It's like having your own morphine pump, only with money. This can only end in mousal abuse.

Buckle down, buckle up. Buckle under.

.

No Welcome Mat for Carter in Zimbabwe, says Cathy Buckle.

the humanitarian catastrophe now engulfing Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe seems to be in post-drain circling, having opted to die rather than fight Mugabe's regime. Cathy Buckle is a special case. She is among the liberals living in Zimbabwe who thought the whites were causing the country's problems and that Mugabe was doing the right thing. She is one of the enabling, useful idiots dumb enough to have stayed in the country until it was too late.

Rhodesia was once the bread basket of Africa. Now it's a basket case. I feel sorry for them up to the point of wondering why there is no resistance/revolution. Then, having barked, I watch the caravan roll off the cliff.

The Obsession with Abortion

.

From the nitwits at American Thinker cometh...

The continuous assault on Sarah Palin is not so difficult to understand. In fact, it can be summed up thusly: she's a woman opposed to abortion

It's not just abortion, Litmus-man. It's someone who embodies what feminism claims to aspire to; it's a female Horatio Alger story; it's a tolerant believer. It's a shame when Ride of the Valkyries is being played and some only hear a violin plucked.

Let me be the first

.

I've got it!! I've got it!!!

Think of the Bush years as Clinton Interruptus.

"But he kept us safe."

"Liberator!"
"Invader!"
"Peacekeeper."
"Occupier."
"Stabilizer."
"Death to Israel!"
"American dead."
"Iraqi dead."
"Ingrates."
"Infidel."
"Sacrificed!"
"Cry me a river."

I Don't Know Art...

...but I know what I like.

Scholars still argue over Bosch’s elusive point of view. Are the men and women depicted in a dizzying variety of sexual behaviors in the central panel joyously indulging in the freedom Adam and Eve won at such a steep price? Or are they victims of agonizing lusts that were let loose in the human bloodstream when Eve took that unseemly bite of the forbidden fruit?

Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delight

Dude, where's my ballyhoo?

.

Much as (mostly) conservatives bally-hoo the election results that went against the political flow in suppressing same-sex marriage, this same election enacted decriminalization in places along with legitimizing the use of cannabis medically in others. Where's the bally-hoo?

But he kept us safe

"Why are you tearing the newspaper into little pieces?"
"To scatter on my lawn."
"What's that supposed to do?"
"Keeps giraffes away."
"Are you crazy?"
"See any giraffes?"

Are you smarter than a Third-Reicher?

.

From the comment section of the Library of Economics and Liberty ---

Speaking as a 20 something, I have never met anyone with communist sympathies or affiliation who was the least bit embarrassed to admit this in a crowd. And there is good reason for this; I have never been in a crowd that experienced any negative affect from hearing such a confession. In fact, any of the times I've seen such a statement met with opprobrium (always by some token dude. Not me, I've learned when to show my cards. ), it is the one who challenges the communist who experiences social stigma (e.g. "McCarthyite", "red baiting", etc).

Sure if someone who is a "true believer" starts yelling at everyone about their Wicked Capitalist Ways, they get shunned, but this is true for almost all belief systems; people don't like to get lectured by evangelists. But people with passive Communist beliefs are seen as interesting, intellectual, or fashionable. This is certainly not true for fascism, or even mainstream conservatism.

The DC Meter

.

About that shining city on the hill...
I've figured out that the District of Columbia is the best metaphor.

Washington DC by day is what they promise.
Washington DC by night is what you'll get.

Who's the racist now?

.

[L]isten carefully … “Wham!!!”

That's the sound of my foot kicking the door shut on the era of white guilt. The rites have been muttered, the carcass lowered, dirt shoveled, and tombstone erected. White guilt is dead and buried.

However, despite my glee, there's apparently one small, rabid bastion of American racism remaining. Black Americans voted 96% for Barack Obama. Hmmm. In a color-blind world, shouldn't that be 50-50? Tonight, every black person should ask forgiveness for their apparent racism and prejudice towards white people. Maybe it's time to start spreading that guilt around.

---Tom Adkins writing in the Philadelphia Inquirer

Mind your step

"Hey, watch your step, George! What is that anyway?"

"Ah, that just some dog poop, Barack, we got two of 'em, you know."

"Well, I, well, I almost stepped in it. Hold up a second."

"What?"

"I think I can kick this pile of crap right between the two women and down the hall."

"Don't do that, Barack. Leave it for the SS."

"Secret Service?"

"No, the shit scoopers. They gather all the poop, bag it, and ship it to Kenya."

"What? Well, I, you know, I wondered why there was more dog poop in Kenya than dogs."

"We just started this last year, Barack. The reason there is more poop than dogs in Kenya is 'cause they eat the dogs."

"Huh. Well, yeah. Hunh."

Under the Bus

.

McCain: "How's the exhaust fumes down here, Rudy?"
Guiliani: "Ah, you'll get used to 'em, Johnny Mac."
McCain: "You know my friend, I think I overmarried."
Guilliani: "You did, Johnny Mac."
Palin: "You boys be quiet under there and get to sleep, doggonnit."

To my hair-on-fire conservative correspondents

.

The point of our discussion, from my end of it and before I leave it, is that you are in no more danger at this moment than you have been the last eight years. The shocking thing is how safe you thought you were, not how unsafe you think you are now.

McCain prepares for SNL

.

Lorne Michaels: No, no, no. Goddammit. Try it again.
John McCain: Live! From New York! My friends, it's Sa...
Lorne Michaels: No, no, no. Goddammit!

Let's blow that sucker

.

"Obama links health issues to farming, then backs off."
"Why?"
"Because it's gonna blow!"
"You mean, like it's gonna explode?"
"No, because it's gonna suck!"
"Suck means blow?"
"You're not from around here, are you?"
"Not anymore. Let's blow this place."
"What does that mean?"

What have you done for Aunt Zootie today?

.

"You see, dear, wealth is like manure; to do any good you have to spread it around."
"Well, mom, why doesn't daddy spread some wealth around to aunt Zootie?"
"That's aunt Zeituni, dear."
"Zucchini?"
"Whatever. Look honey, when Daddy talks about spreading wealth, he's talking about OPM."
"Opium?"
"No, dear, other people's money. Not ours. What you're thinking of is opium, the drug we get from poppies."
"Is that the same opium that religion is for the masses?"
"Where do you hear such nonsense? Daddy is the religion of the masses."
"Oh, and we get that from poppy?"
"Yes, but you can call him daddy."
"I'm very confused. I think I'll ascend to my room."
"You've been spending too much time with your father."

The Campaign's Gift to Xmas

.

Little Plumber Boy
The Hairy Simian Corral

The tank float nodded,
The overflow kept time,
Water sloshed 'round the bowl,
Splashed up and down the bowl....
Then it overflowed, pah rump pump pump pum,
On me and my bum. All over the rug. Pah rump pump pum ugh.

If Obama does Chicago

.

Potheads dreaming,
Crankheads screaming,
Corruptocrats scheming,
Rioters teeming,
SWAT guns gleaming,
Hillary steaming,
Obama beaming,
Matthews creaming.

Good noose, bad noose

Noosed black mannequin = hate crime
Noosed white mannequin = hey, it's only a mannequin

It would have been subtler, but much cooler, to have the mannequin wear a red ribbon around its neck. That's what French women did at the Bals des victimes in commemoration of the Reign of Terror's guillotined, mimicking where the blade met the neck.

What you should be talking about

.

At this stage, the Potemkin village being bulldozed should be that of partisan media. Obama has sold his bill of goods to the country; that's his job. The utter failure of objective journalism should be the bête noire of this election, discussed ad nauseum and vowed 'never again.'

To protect and swive

.

Man Alleges Cops Sodomized Him With a Walkie-Talkie

"Aaaarrghhhhhh!"
"Suffer, you bast...shut up. Shut. Up."
"What is it, sergeant?"
"It's the Commander. On the walkie-talkie."
"What's he saying?"
"I can't tell. You put your ear down there."
"It sounds like, "Ground control to Major Tom.""
"That's not the Commander, you idiot. It's a commercial!"
"Please, officers, can I g...."
"I told you to shut up!"
"Okay, now listen, goofball. We're going to let you go.
But you gotta tell anyone that asks that a tall black man
jumped you, shoved this walkie-talkie up your ass, and
carved a 'B' onto your face."
"Why would anyone do that to me?"
"Because you said vote McCain/Palin."
"Oh, okay. I'd deserve that, for sure."
"Right. We're oughtta here."
"So long, officers."
["Ground control to..."]

Fascinating Footage

.

Lost film footage of Edwardian London discovered

The film was shot in 1904 as a 'travelogue' for Australians curious about life in what was "one of the most exciting cities anywhere", according to Professor Ian Christie. From the article...

The footage, shot of 35mm film, also shows subtle insights into life such as the way people walked, he added.

Do we walk differently now? Where I can see people walking in the film, the guys do seem to have a heel-less gait that conjures up the walking style of Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. Could it be that those comedic walks were not comedic at all, but the trailing end of a vanishing fashion?

How to talk to beautiful women

.

Jean Harlow would disguise herself to go out at night and pick up men. Guys were too terrified of certain rejection to approach her in normal life. She ended up married to creeps, one of whom beat her enough to cause kidney damage. Her mother, a Christian Scientist, wouldn't let doctors treat Jean until it was too late to save her.

Remember that next time you walk up to a beautiful woman, and she tells you to get the hell away from her, the poor thing.

Fast High at New York Times

Police investigate white powder at New York Times

"Stand back everybody, give us some room. Okay now, Detective,
what does that look like?"
"White powder, Captain."
"Verrrry good. Now what does it smell like?"
"I can't smell anything, Captain."
"Take a good sniff."
[Snnniifffff]
"Not good enough, Detective. Sniff hard!"
[sssSSSNORT!!!]
"Oh, wow, Captain, This i..."
"Sssssshhhush. Give me a sniff."
"Captain, this is coke. You can't snort it. It's illegal."
"Alright, then, Detective. Take my firearm and force me to do it."
"But Captain, I..."
"Then, I'll force YOU to take another snort."
"Uh...Sergeant?"
"Yes, Detective?"
"Get these people out of here. And put on some music."

Dan Rather says something inane...

.

...although like any other hornswoggling chaw-swallower, something will come up ever' now and then that looks like you can ride it, but it absquatulates afore you can get stirrup-footed.(_8(|)

The Chinese Tire Valve Blues

.

The government is investigating more than 1 million Ford Motor Co. vehicles after receiving reports of tires leaking from faulty valve stems made by a Chinese company.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"
"Wal, I think I got me some Chinese tire valves."
"What makes you think that?"
"Wal, I had me four flats in perfect unison...."
"And?"
"...I'm gittin' to it. When I put 'em in the trunk..."
"Yes?"
"...they tried to annex the spare!"

The socialist in Romney's parlor

Asked if he believes Obama is a socialist, Romney replied, "I'd say he's a real liberal. He's not in the mainstream of the Democratic Party. I think he's more liberal than that. I don't think mainstream Democrats like Hillary Clinton, would be excited about the proposals he's made. And I think his comment about redistributing income is one which would certainly scare a lot of people. Certainly scare away a lot of jobs, hurt the creation of small businesses, which is of course, been the source of job growth in our country.

"So, I think he's off of the left wing of the party. And after all, that's how his votes have also lined up."

Poor Mitt.  He cain't help it.  People in Massachusetts recognize socialism like a fish does water, ie, only in its absence.

Crazy Old Lloyd

.

Justice officials told a local news station that it appeared as though an explosive device was thrown through the law firm's window. The suspect [71-year old lawyer Lloyd Cantrell]'s body was still in the building Friday afternoon, police said.

Crazy old Lloyd. You know, in law school, Lloyd was voted Most Likely to Throw a Bomb Through a Window and Then Run Inside the Room.

If you have to ask...

.

"How much to buy the Governor's e-mails?"
"I'm not sure. Alaska."
"Argh. Enough with the puns."
"No, I mean they''ll cost the worth of the
state of Alaska. Do you still want 'em?"
"Nome."

I bloody well knew it

.

When I saw McCain pull a gag face trying to figure out which way around the table to shake Schieffer's hand, I thought, "Uh oh." And sure enough....



I tried to find a cartoon of Calvin stalking Hobbes, but couldn't.

Trillion is the new billion

.

Trillion has become the new billion. People don't stop to realize what a brogdingnagian number it is. It's one million millions. Yet we're tossing the figure around like New Year's revellers of 1929. It's unnerving.

Joe the Plumber: Your 15 mins of fame are ready

.

Word has it the next cover of US Magazine will headline --- ---

Plumber's Crack :
Going-away cleavage?

Hair plugs vs Drain plugs

Is Obama too dreamy?

Billy Beck on 'Free Speech'

.

From Billy Beck, my friend I am proud to say, at Two-Four.

two--four

"Free speech". Look around you: that hasn't stopped a steady march of imbeciles for generations since, say, FDR. I see a lot of people holding "free speech" as a political standard against which to judge the advance of tyranny, as if being allowed to point out to imbeciles every other sort of violation of freedom that they actively sanction makes it all worth bearing.

You are hollering from the prison-cell, and calling it freedom. The herd at the cannibal-pot will give you their reply next month.

Why, why, why Obama?

.

When I lived in Canada, we had friends who had left communist Hungary to live in the West. They were doing well, but had friends who had voluntarily gone back to Hungary. The idea that there was a chance they could be out of work or struggling scared them so much, they preferred Hungary's much lower living standard in exchange for the security promised by the communist state.

If people raised to think they can't do anything for themselves opt to surrender freedom for a welfare state, should it be a surprise? The self-esteem, no-winners-allowed crap we teach in public schools, affirmative action, and the drumbeat of economic failure we hear from the left has to have an affect. Kids, particularly raised in families of liberals, could easily be terrified at the prospect of competing in a free enterprise environment. So they stay in college as long as they can, soaking up marxism.

Should we be surprised at Obama's success?

So, who got my money?

.

I bought a share at $5.
It rose in value to $7.
It crashed to $4, I panicked and sold it.

Did I lose $3? I think I only lost $1 and
the person who got that was the guy
who sold me the share for $5.

So what about the other $2? It only
existed as a potential had I sold when
the share traded at $7. Until you sell,
then, portfolio worth isn't money and
doesn't 'go' anywhere except away.

Feeling poorer as I now do, is actually
a 'correction' to not feeling so poor
a month ago.  Heh.   Sob.

If Suzy could vote

Peggy on Palin

Peggy Noonan opines:

A question is at what point shiny, happy populism becomes cheerful manipulation.

When it's the other guy doing it.

Noonan's subliminal recasting of Palin into 76 Trombones or Elmer Gantry glows from beneath her bed covers. Turn off that flashlight, Peggy, and get to sleep.

The Governor Scores a Kill

By golly, I thought Palin did just a fine job there, and she spoke without any trace of an accent, which surprised me. Doggone it, she drew a bead on Biden just like this and then, "Pow," she goes. "Hand me that bowie knife, Piper, it's skinnin' time."

A banker's fable

.

Chuck Schumer comes over to your house and harangues you to let his friend borrow your car. Initially refusing, you finally submit after hours of browbeating, scolding, and being accused of selfishness. Schumer's friend drives your car two blocks, wrecks it, and sues you for the hospital bill. Schumer says, "What were you thinking?"

There's no accounting for, well, accounting

.

Jerry Bowyer, chief economist at Benchmark Financial Network, faults regulations themselves for the mess: “Large financial institutions like Lehman Brothers built their balance sheets under certain sets of rules. But then those rules were changed. In the wake of the Enron scandal, numerous regulations were modified in ways that guarded against future attempts to make corporate earnings appear to be higher than they really were.”

So accounting rules designed to prevent another Enron had the effect of uncovering other Enrons... so the rules were a mistake.   Got it.

New boss, same as the old boss

.

That's the emperor's new clothes of this election.   Obama is not running on any platform every Democrat hasn't run on in my memory.   It's trash the economy, hype misery, and promote dependency.   That isn't change, it's pandering to the core.   Don't look for any 'crossing the aisle,'   from a party where the already pathetic 'reach out' is merely a cross-dressed 'reach around.'

On the plane with Obama

.

"Mr Wolffe, we have got to get some face time with Obama. The bloggers are eating our lunch out there."
"I'll tell you what, Sam, let's make a deal. I'll bring the nominee back here and allow you on-the-record exchanges coupled with off-the-record chit-chat. One to one. Will that help?"
"We'll take what we can get, Wolfie."
"Alright then. Barry, could you come back into the press cabin, please?"
"Sure. Hello folks. How's it going?"
"Fine, Mr Obama. The first question is a chit-chat, to get started."
"Okay, shoot."
"What is your take on the Iran situation?"
""Well, guys, Iran plans to nuke Israel, and I gotta tell you, it can't come soon enough for me. I'm sick of kowtowing to American Jews, paying too much for oil, and living with terrorist jihad that stems directly from our support for Israel. I'd nuke 'em myself, if I could."
[Stunned silence]
"Uh, Mr Obama, on the record, what is your take on the Iran situation?"
"Well, we have to take a very nuanced approach to the multifaceted, complex interaction among ancient cultures and hostilities. We must exhaust diplomacy and give multilateralism a chance to work."
"Uhm, Mr Obama, how should we deal with abortions where the abortee is accidentally born?"
"Great question, Sam. As you know, I voted to chop 'em up and toss 'em out."
"And on the record? Did you vote to destroy accidentally born fetuses?"
"Why no. But since my voting records for that period were accidentally classified NATO Secret, you'll have to take my word for it."
"Mr Obama, do you think it was a mistake to skip over Hillary Clinton as your veep nominee?"
"Off the record? Yes. I'd be swept into office with a chapter in the history books before the inaugural address, while McCain would have been saddled with some creepy white guy running mate, doomed."
"On the record?"
"No, picking Biden was not a mistake. The downtrodden, home-losing, marginally-employed, subsistence farmers will not be crucified on a cross of gold."
[Stunned silence]
"Mr Obama, off the record, the plane cabin has been getting drafty, noisy, and cold. Would you ask the pilot to turn up the heat?"
"Sorry to hear that Sam. What I can tell you is during preflight for this trip, they found a structural crack in the tail section and warned there was a chance the entire ass-end of the plane could detach and fall to the ground. Guess it's likelier than I thought."
"Mr Obama, for the record, is this plane coming apart?"
"Let's just say we may be going our separate ways. Those of us with parachutes wish to remind the rest of you that your seat cushion serves only as a flotation device, and is not aerodynamically suitable for acceleration delay. Use only as directed."
[Stunned silence]
[Opening scene from LOST]

And so it goes

.

Palin is bulletproof; the press is kicking against the pricks, creating a Rube Goldbergian counterpunch that sends their credibility bouncing off the National Enquirer, overturning a pile of flaming DailyKos which melts the weightless balloon of cable punditry, lowering the anvil of derision onto the chairman of General Electric, startling him into dropping his cigar and kicking over the Huffington perch, forcing the NBC parrot to drop its peacock pose and shrilly confess, "Polly doesn't want a cracker!"

Obama's Big Ears

"What's your name, boy?"
"Nibbles. Pistol Grips Nibbles."
"What do they call you?"
"They call me Mr Nibbles."

A song for Obama

.

I'm not Lisa

Rewritten for John McCain

I'm Not Dubyah

"I'm not Dubyah, my name is Mackey,
"Dubyah blew it, long ago.
"My Veep's not hair-plugged,
"Her dude Iditarods,
"Your only 'mush' is some stump speech."

"You did some Europe thing
"That reeked of shark jumping,
"You wowed the German throngs,
" 'Ere strutting home."

"But soon the DNC,
"Hubris epitome,
"Greek columns styrofoam,
"Felt Arctic's sword."

"For came the RNC,
"Came Rudy Giulani,
"Came statuesque Cindy,
"Came Piper and fam'ly,
"Left you crying in your beer.
"Wailing dead fish, lipstick pigs."

"That's not Dubyah, that's the Gov'nuh,
"Sarah Palin with McCain.
"Sending you and
"Mainstream media,
"Circling 'round the drain again."

"I'm not Dubyah."

What? Where's the gardener? I can't water !

.

I read where Obammy-mammys are criticizing McCain for not getting voice-recognition software to create email since he can't use a keyboard.
These would be among the technology-enslaved drama queens Judge Milan lambasted on The People's Court yesterday for claiming they "need" a cell-phone.

/yes, I watch it every day.
//because Judge Milan is a redhead, dammit!
///tell 'em what 'e won, Ed.

Lunch with Barry and Bill

.

"Bill, I want to thank you for having lunch with me today."
"Don't mention it, Barry. Since Hillary's out on the campaign trail for you, I have a little more time. You don't mind eating at my desk, do you?"
"No, of course not."
"That's fine. Care for a drumstick?"
"That's awfully small. Is it quail?"
"No, it's crow. Eat plenty."
"Ah. Okay."
"Be sure to save room for some pie, though."
"Great! Apple?"
"No, humble. And Hillary wanted me to make sure you take some of this for Joe Biden to eat."
"What is that?"
"She called it her dust."
"This isn't going too well, is it?"
"No. But you can eat some of this..."
"...and die?"
"I think you've got it, now."
"I'll be leaving now."
"Please do."

Live Blogging the NY Observer

.

In an internet first, what follows in the liveblogging of an article, namely Hard Fall: What Happened to NBC? from the New York Observer.

“This makes me so mad, because it’s so untrue,” Mr. Griffin [president of cable-news network MSNBC] said.

Walk like a man,
Talk like a girl.

Or maybe he's one of those

sister-brothers

...as opposed to those

“straight” journalists of NBC

On the other hand...

nobody from GE had ever big-footed his domain

...and you know what big feet mean. Plus, if you've ever had your domain big-footed, you know how painful it is.

our guys don’t want to be restrained

I think it was the ball gag that finally queered the deal, though.

Mr. Griffin said he was feeling gung-ho about the network’s performance.

Gung-ho could not be reached for comment.

In case you didn't TIVO the Obama-Palin debate

.

Moderator: You can't cheat an honest man.
Palin: Amen.
Obama: D'oh!

Sitrep: The Obama Campaign

Obama Campaign Insider Status Report

Exclusive Daily Updates from Democratic Campaign Headquarters

Narratives? Surely you joust.

.

I haven't been paying attention. What I do grasp, I forget anyway. What I notice is this 'narrative' thing seems to have latched onto a capillary of the body politick and found a home. Is narration the new touchstone?

If we're going to elect people based on their stories, which are concocted, burnished, and sold like snake oil as we go, then personality is a better description of what we vote for than issues, and Rick Davis is not only correct, but trivially so.

But if we're not to be picking presidents from 'Just So' stories, there's more to it than that.

Buried beneath this strata of trivial pursuits lie bedrock principles, differences between liberalism and conservatism. But the connection is being lost. Cut off from philosophical raisons d'etre, left with goals of little more than attaining power, we get the vacuous blather of an Obama and the label 'maverick' and 'extremist' for anyone actually rooted in something unchanging.

Obama and Biden are Democrats.

McCain and Palin are not what the big-spending, deficit-loving Republicans have become. And bless 'em for it.

By attacking the narratives, the Obamanation is ceding the philosophical battle. US Weekly, MSNBC, and Sally Quinn are finding out the narration windmill is not only unsuitable for jousting, but reveals itself as a mirage only after considerable mulepower has been wasted.

Dallas Cowboys open up can of whup-ass

.

Near the end of his tenure, Tom Landry switched away from his Doomsday Defense and went for big, heavy (but very polite) linemen. The first few opponents were literally blown over by the new behemoths but reported that, after being steamrolled, the opposition player would be helped to his feet by the young Cowboy amid regrets and apologies for having flattened him.

That's what we saw yesterday, with 300+ pound, alarmingly mobile, Sumo-boys ironing out creases in the Browns, complemented by an offensive line wall that could seal the border with Mexico in the offseason. Romo took a chin full of stitches from one play, but had the Browns in stitches the rest of the game.

Future opponents will have to plan for Felix Jones, while Patrick Crayton and T.O. eat their lunch aloft. It's gonna be a fun season.

Adrift and holed

.

Their boat is dead in the water, perceptibly sinking. Biden clanks a pair of rusty metal balls, nervously watching a thunderstruck Obama who fumbles with an astrolabe, wondering where to plug it in. Meanwhile, the pirates, reeling from a counterbarrage that shows no signs of abating, grab their tingling peglegs, double-down on their parrots, and wonder who stole the Jolly from their Jolly Rogering.

Dude, where's my DeLorean?

.

The 'party of change' pleading for a bridge to the New Deal, running on a 'broken' America, is 'all cage - no bird,' indistinguishable from Kerry, Gore, Dukakis and every other losing campaign powered by envy, malaise, and limp exhortations for universal free lunch.

Some change. A hoax and a hack.

Been there, done that, sent them packing.

What the Democrats want is to 'move America ahead' to the past.

I'd prefer returning to the optimism of Reagan, moving back to the future.

Dude, where's my DeLorean?

Monkeys unspanked

.

The spectacular running of media lemmings after anything, anything to destroy Governor Palin's VP nomination, tabloidized a New York Times that couldn't be bothered with the Edwards soap opera, but could not bring itself to climax. This tumescent fantasy in search of an orgasm exposed the onanistic monkey spankers, leaving in its wake frustrated press war rooms full of blue balls. How are those Rapid Attack Teams working for you, RAT-lovers everywhere?

Beyond tree hugging

Hysterical hippies crying over fallen trees [video]

"I'm bored, mom. These trees aren't doing anything."
"Well, what do you want to do, honey?"
"Let's play a game."
"What would you like to play?"
"Rock, scissors, paper."
"Oh, my god. Where did you hear that?"
"At school."
"What filth. The horror! The horror!"
"What's wrong, momma!"
"You might as well whack baby Jesus upside the head."
"What's a Jesus, momma?"
"It's like the bestus tree in the woods, the biggest rock."
"I'm still bored."
"Don't say 'bored,' honey. It sounds too much like 'board.'
"Well, how about this clod then?"
"You mean Claude?"
"Yes."
"That's fine. Play with Claude."

Sarah Palin --- CinC of Media War I

.

A beautiful, confident, articulate, independent, accomplished—and conservative—woman apparently has enraged Team Obama, the mainstream media, and the entire American intelligentsia, as if they got collectively hit by a cruise missile aimed from Middle America. --- Pajamas Media

That's some industrial grade chain-yanking there.
The yellow journalist who buys ink by the barrel
is being stood up against the wall by a nation of
Davids who dispense bytes by the billions.

Sarah Palin --- she even LOOKS like Wonder Woman

Worried about brain damage from your compact fluorescent?

.

Well, worry no more.

Scientific American sez,

"[Put] a portable AM radio near one that’s on and listen for extra static the closer you get."

Then ask yourself, "Being awash in radio transmissions as I am, how likely is it that the light bulb static I have to strain to hear is less worse for me than the AM radio transmission blaring out the same radio?"

Then, turn off the lamp and go to bed where you will lie awake worrying if you overmarried.

Why these nominees?

.

Because we've been voting for the lesser of two evils for so long that evil is all that's out there.

Should li'l George Obama leave Africa for the DNC?

.

It might be difficult luring li'l Georgie from hovel-tending to the convention, as there'd be a good chance of some other feral abo squatting on his prems, leaving li'l Georgie no home to come back to.

Still and all, big brother O has some swing. Maybe he could arrange for a wireless laptop with a Nigerian franchise on scamming ofays abroad for Georgie. That should pull in at least a dollar a month, providing he includes brother O's Washington phone number for verification of the scam. Note to Georgie --- don't use O's Chicago phone number: there's some area codes even a scamee won't touch.

It's just TV, folks

>

"So, what does your husband do?"
"He's a TV reporter who poses as their meteorologist."
"That's wonderful. Mine does, too."
"Your husband poses as a meteorologist?"
"Oh, my no. He's a cable installer who poses as an electric-meter reader."
"Well, I swan. What on earth for?"
"He goes up to the house looking like he's reading the meter, but he's
really checking to see if the cable customer is home."
"And then he goes in to hookup the cable?"
"Oh my no, bless your heart. If he sees they're home he goes away. If they're not home, he leaves a "sorry I missed you" note on the door."
"Well, lands o' goshen."
"Yes, it's a small world isn't it?"
"Yes, it surely is."

Barbara gigs Jimmy

.

"Pwesident Cawtuh, wiw you be dewiviwing a speech at the convention?"
"Yes, Ms Walters. May I call you Barbara?"
"Why yes, Pwesident Cawtuh, you may. Befowuh you go into the convention hall, wiw you make shuwuh they wocked up all the wabbits?"
"What? Listen, "Babwuh," I don't need this from you, you hare-lipped has-been."
"Oh, you said hawuh-wipped! How pwecious! Anothuh wabbit joke!"
"I'm outta here."

Overheard on the web

.

That's the great thing about primary election campaigns.
They give the Democrats a taste of their own media.

.

HIllary crowned Miss Also-Ran

.

Clinton's name to be placed in nomination at next week's Democratic nominating convention --- ABC News

"So, there's a possibility I can still get the nomination?"
"Well, no, Hillary, this is more of an honorarium."
"What kind of Potemkin convention puts people into nomination who can't, and they don't want to, win?"
"Think of it as a merit badge, a Girl Scout achievement for all the money you've sp... I mean all the work you've done."
"Listen. That pencil-necked Indonesian-mullah half-breed can't be allowed to waltz in here outta nowhere and steal the Oval Office from me. I embody the heritage of Margaret Thatcher, the greatest woman politico of our time. You owe me."
"Well, actually, Hillary, Margaret Thatcher didn't ride into power on the shoulders of her husband Denis."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I...put down that ashtray, Senator."
"Get back over here, you little creep. I want to 'nominate' you !"

Scenes from the Edwardian Opera

.

But discrepancies between his story and the unraveling timeline of events raise more questions about whether Edwards' attempts to come clean are in fact just more lies and half-truths.

From the libretto:

The fat lady remains in her dressing room:
There'll be no singing for the nonce.
Meanwhile, Siegfried stabs Fafner
in the heart with Nothung, singing,
"Sometimes, Nothung can be a real cool hand."

Kinsley: "That would be socialism"

.

It is a convention of platform-writing that all government spending is referred to as “investment.”

Wow. Michael Kinsley looks at
the Democrat Kool-Aid and says,
"Do not want." Of course, he'll
say the same for the Republican
sweet-swill, but it's nice to see
a partisan hack hack his own
partisans.

Got Soot?

.

Soaring heating oil prices ignite firewood demand

The run on firewood started last winter when heating oil surpassed $3 a gallon and kept on climbing. The environmental impact of the shift from oil to wood is unclear. State-of-the-art woodstoves are cleaner than older models, but particulate emissions remain higher than those of oil furnaces.

Anyone walking through a fireplace-friendly neighborhood on a cold night, eyes burning and nose recoiling from smoke invisible and not-so-invisible, can spot the enviro-looney here. Even state of the art woodburners are dirtier than oil, the suppression of which falls like ashes on the shoulders of the "hell, no, we won't drill," crowd.

Enjoy the air pollution, Nancy. And give a thought to forests cut down, the Bambis rampant, just to inefficiently replace what you and yours prefer stay in the ground.

Reach out and push someone away

.

Cultural artifacts existed in a hierarchy, with opera and fine art at the top, and stripping at the bottom.

David Brooks has a great little piece that deserves a read. As someone who was an early adopter but now has fallen off the technobus, I can only watch it trundle off into the distance, radical redos of significant improvements of paradigm-shifting upgrades trailing like so many cans strung from strings tied to the rear bumper.

Being antisocial has finally paid off, saving me untold amounts of money by simply not caring to be in touch in the least.

Taranto softening towards Obama?

.

From the WSJ Best of the Web

Reservations About Reparations
Contrary to our speculation in a Wednesday item, it appears that Barack Obama is not a reparationist. DemocracyNow.org has a transcript of Obama's question-and-answer session with minority journalists, which provides some context for the comment we highlighted.

It came in response to a question from Brian Bull of Wisconsin Public Radio as to whether an Obama administration would "issue an apology to Native Americans for the atrocities they've endured for the past 500 years." Obama suggests that he would consider doing so, then goes on to say:

I've consistently believed, when it comes--whether it's Native American issues, whether it's African American issues and reparations, that the most important thing for the US government to do is not just to offer words, but offer deeds. And when you look at the situation on tribal lands, the fact that by every socioeconomic indicator Native Americans are doing worse than any other population on health, on education, on substance abuse--their housing situations are deplorable, unemployment is skyrocketing--you know, I have to confess that I'm more concerned about delivering a better life and creating a better relationship with the Native American peoples than anything else. And that's what I want to engage tribal leaders in making sure happens.

CNN's Suzanne Malveaux then tries to get a more specific response from Obama:

Malveaux: When it comes to reparations, would you take it a step further, in terms of apologizing for slavery or offering reparations to various groups?

Obama: You know, I have said in the past, and I'll repeat again, that the best reparations we can provide are good schools in the inner city and jobs for people who are unemployed. And I think that strategies that invest in lifting people out of the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow, but that have brought applicability and allow us to build coalitions to actually get these things done, that, I think, is the best strategy.

You know, the fact is, is that dealing with some of the legacy of discrimination is going to cost billions of dollars. And we're not going to be able to have that kind of resource allocation, unless all Americans feel that they are invested in making this stuff happen. And so, you know, I'm much more interested in talking about how do we get every child to learn, how do we get every person healthcare, how do we make sure that everybody has a job, how do we make sure that every senior citizen can retire with dignity and respect. And if we have a program, for example, of universal healthcare, that will disproportionately affect people of color, because they're disproportionately uninsured. If we've got an agenda that says every child in America should get--should be able to go to college, regardless of income, that will disproportionately affect people of color, because it's oftentimes our children who can't afford to go to college.

There's a contradiction here between expanding the welfare state in a way that "all Americans are invested" and the idea of reprations, which would benefit those Americans whose ancestors were wronged at the expense of those whose ancestors were not wronged. It's hard to see how Obama would square that circle. Then again, probably the purpose of his answer was simply to dodge the question rather than forthrightly say he opposes reparations.

---

Our Friends the Pakistanis
Disturbing news from the New York Times about one of America's flakier allies:

American intelligence agencies have concluded that members of Pakistan's powerful spy service helped plan the deadly July 7 bombing of India's embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan, according to United States government officials.

The conclusion was based on intercepted communications between Pakistani intelligence officers and militants who carried out the attack, the officials said, providing the clearest evidence to date that Pakistani intelligence officers are actively undermining American efforts to combat militants in the region.

The American officials also said there was new information showing that members of the Pakistani intelligence service were increasingly providing militants with details about the American campaign against them, in some cases allowing militants to avoid American missile strikes in Pakistan's tribal areas.

The McCain campaign should take note, too. Obama long ago started talking about taking military action against Pakistan--a stance that seemed crazy at the time but now may make Illinois's' junior senator look tough, even realistic.

2 gud

Duller than Dirt?

.

Overheard on the web...

I'm just afraid [Republican national convention] might be duller than dirt!

"Ah, well then, that is because you
have not seen my fine dirt. It is anything but dull.
Come over here and let me show it to you."
"So, this is your dirt?"
"Yes. I call this lump 'Claude.'"
"Clod?"
"Yes."

Why a Christian mustn't see homosexuality as genetic

.

Seen around the web...

If, as those here and science insists that homosexuality is not a 'choice,' I have a question for God as to why He would permit people to be born with such proclivities, if in fact it is sinful to Him.

Well, yes, that poses a dilemma.

R U a Virus?

.

Advice from the FBI on computer fraud:

# Do not provide personal or financial information to anyone who solicits information.

"Honey, how are you?"
Who r u?
"It's mom, sweetie. Did you get my package?"
Who iz mom?
"It's your mother. What's the matter with you?"
Ur no virus?
"No, of course not. Are you having problems with your husband, or something?"
O, mom, I'm so sad. I don't think he respex me anymore.
"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm going to get off the computer and come right over."
TU, mom. I luv u.
"I love you too, sweetie, and don't let that Richard get you down."
Whooze Richard?
"Your husband, dear. Isn't this Carmella?"
no. I M Suzie.
"Oh, my god. I've got the wrong email address!"
duz that mean ur not coming over?

Reinventing Libertaria

Reinventing Libertaria

Gary Cruse, The Washington Dispatch, May 27, 2003

Should the Libertarian Party, a party that barely shows up on political radar as it is, be further split? Has the LP written itself out of post 9/11 America?

In a country moving perceptibly to the right, does a retrenched, leftist Democratic Party open up middle ground for its own replacement to the right?

As a small 'l' libertarian, I increasingly find myself at greater odds with the LP than I am with conservatives. When social conservatism is replacing the Tenth Amendment (the powers not delegated to the United States ...are reserved to the States) with any number of Commandments, a party of individual liberty and responsibility should be highly visible.

The Democratic party has been equally contemptuous of the Tenth when that party has been in power. Are the pieces there for assembling a real party of Liberty?

The Libertarian Party might be poised to make such a run, but not in its present incarnation. A couple of planks in the party platform are serious anachronisms and must be dealt with first. Completely out of step with America today,a 'foreign policy of non-intervention and peace' sticks out and resonates with recent anti-Iraqi war sentiments. Isolationism was almost a necessity when the oceans made dealing with the rest of the world more nuisance than blessing, but not any more.

Anti-terrorism cannot be a winning hand without the cooperation of nations capable of harboring future Osamas. As to an announced policy of peace, let the lambs be silenced. There is an insidious, woolly-headed thinking among the naifs of society who are willing to settle for lack of conflict, for now, and call it peace, without regard to the wolfy machinations on their doorstep.

France and England had a treaty with Poland to come to each other's aid if attacked. When Germany invaded Poland, the treaty was enforced to the extent that war was declared but nothing else was done, bringing about the Phony War that allowed Hitler to gobble up someone else (it's always someone else who needs to sacrifice for the common good) while Poland's friends worked to restore the 'peace.' We used to call that appeasement, but now it's peacekeeping.

The subtle shift in emphasis from defending what is worthwhile to redefining 'necessary' as 'expendable' isn't negotiating, it is surrender. Well, maybe it's negotiating. "I'll give you everything you want, but that's my final offer," might be dressed up enough to dance with, if you're that desperate.

As road maps go, expecting Israel to give up the Golan Heights, a strategic sacrifice of elephantine proportion, for useless promises of peace from those who unfailingly call for her extinction, secures a peace that passes understanding, not to mention overtaking credulity.

The Libertarian Party's notion of peace is appeasement in Birkenstocks.

The other disconnect I have with the LP platform is the elimination of all restrictions on immigration, which, coming from the Libertarian Party of Texas is a 'kick me' sign I wouldn't want to wear around the Alamo.

I'd still be laughing at that if I didn't know they were serious as a front yard fiesta del tercer mundo.

Can the Libertarian Party even coexist with War on Terrorism? The party platform seems singularly incapable of keeping suicide killers out of the country or doing anything pre-emptively to stop the creation of terrorist cadres not already here. The primary mandate of sovereignty is survival, a principle easily translated into libertarianism's recognition of the individual, with his full complement of rights and responsibilities. At the national level, this is vaporized without border control and amounts to shattering the individual writ large.

That's why I got the 'L' out of Libertarian in favor of raising a little 'l' of my own. Being a libertarian may be a step in the direction of conservatism, but being a Libertarian puts me in the pocket of people out to kill me.

As constituted, the LP will remain off the political radar, and small 'l'ers will agonize over how far down the ticket the silliness has to be before one can safely vote for it. So far, dog catcher is not far from the ceiling. A party rethought without these suicide clauses might do well as the major parties peel away from each other.

The Republicans look to have a lock on 2004, so there's plenty of time to get a new dog ready. This one won't hunt.

Technical vs Value Economics?

.

Everybody oughtta know, but doesn't, that two things create the trading value of a stock. The value of the assets of the company issuing the stock, and the desire or lack of it on the part of investors to own said stock, the technical function of the price. That's the one giving us charts that show moving cost averages, shoulder formations, spikes, dips and the generally tortuous path carved by shares in a company whose underlying assets don't change with anywhere near the speed of its capitalization. If you've read this far, congratulations.

Now imagine trying to predict a stock price, or even understand it, without factoring in its popularity. In other words, being unaware of market fluctuations. Would you feel comfortable betting your 401K that way?

Overhead on the web today---

After tutoring economics at a college for over a year, I have to agree that most students can not connect what they learn to the real world. This is caused in part by the professors. Many of the professors are excellent statisticians and fully understand numbers and their relations, but when it comes to psychology they have no clue.

Economics is primarily a psychological problem; you have to understand people and their motives BEFORE you can accurately describe them with numbers. In today’s academia there is a huge disconnect, we are trying to describe in numbers behavior we don’t understand.

Until the psychological part of the “dismal science” is put back in, we will continue to fail our students and the future.

He ain't dead, he's pinin'.

.

He ain't dead, he's pinin'.

But Bush's a Republican so it's okay,
To put it on the tab for the kids to pay;
To mortgage the country into so much hock,
The body politic is outlined in chalk.

Meet the Press

And this philandering, metrosexual schmuck
is my husb...hey you kids!  Get off my lawn!

How they'll be remembered

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Clare Boothe Luce argued, every president gets just one sentence in the history books

The obvious ones are:
Bush --- Mission accomplished
Clinton --- I never had sex with that woman.
GHW Bush --- Read my lips, no new taxes.
Reagan --- Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall.
Carter --- We suffer from malaise
Ford --- Poland is a free country
Nixon --- We want a modified, limited hangout

What they should be:
Bush --- No child's future income left behind
Clinton --- It's good to be the king
GHW Bush --- Let George Schulz run my campaign, it's a shoo-in
Reagan --- Appoint commissions, ignore the results. Life is good.
Carter --- Don't just do something. Stand there!
Ford --- Chevy Chase does a better me.
Nixon --- I never could get it down pat.

Obama 'Has a Vision for America and the Whole World'

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Obama 'Has a Vision for America and the Whole World'" -- Der Spiegel

In the IT industry, that is known as vaporware

"Hope is on the way" was the theme
Of the last Dem national convention,
So O'Bama's gassy platitudes fit the meme.
It ain't much but it is more sustaining
Than McCain's grumping out the lonely press
That showed up for his last deplaning.

This race is so over.

Coburn's an oakie dokie

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Coburn, a conservative from Muskogee who was an obstetrician, usually has 70 to 80 holds in place at any one time, aide Don Tatro said.

'Cuz I'm proud to be an OB from Muskogee,
A place conservatism's not a joke;
Our grandkids won't pay the bills we rack up,
And white lightnin' don't go up our nose like coke.

The fail is strong in this one

It's a hunka hunka... marble

The 'Elvis’ sculpture is 2nd Century AD.The Roman Elvis is in fact a genuine marble acroterion - a kind of architectural ornament often found for decoration on the corners of a sarcophagus, a stone tomb or burial chamber.

Overheard on the web

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I think of the Book of the Revelations as the hobo they tried to kick off the Bible train but somehow managed to hang on and climb into the caboose.

Giving it up for the Wong reason

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TimesOnLine says:

Joel Brenner, the US government’s top counter-intelligence official, warned: “So many people are going to the Olympics and are going to get electronically undressed.”

"Step over here, roundeyes, I see you better. Hey, nice chipset."
"Gee, Miss Wong, I..."
"What this? Do you RAM, RAM, RAM? Or you just a ROM, ROM, ROM?"
"Well, actually, I..."
"Ah, so. That look like a real firewire. You give me nice gigabyte, right here."
"I, uh, oh geez."
"Roundeyes! You go all GUI. No love you long time."
"Yeah, I..."
"You best router your motherboard out of here, boy."
"I am so gone."

Tragedy is easy; comedy is harder than you think

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If--

-vaporous visions of pie-in-the-sky,

-sitting unaffected for twenty years in a religiously-bigoted pew,

-having a wife who hated America up until just now,

-being as underqualified for office as you can while remaining a citizen,

-throwing grandmothers and other inconvenient enablers under the bus, and

-showing a stunningly uneducated grasp of geography

aren't sufficient hooks upon which to hang Barack jokes,

I can only assume the jokesters are waiting for things that end,

"Isn't he cuddly or what?"

Mad Men 2, Smmoooookin'!!!

Atheism 101

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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."

-Stephen Roberts

"Everyone is an atheist to most of the gods mankind has ever believed in, some of us just take it one god further."

-Richard Dawkins

"The most ridiculous concept ever perpetrated by H.Sapiens is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of his creations, that he can be persuaded by their prayers, and becomes petulant if he does not receive this flattery. Yet this ridiculous notion, without one real shred of evidence to bolster it, has gone on to found one of the oldest, largest and least productive industries in history."

-Robert Heinlein

Son of Constitution, King James Version

Jungle pokin'

ScienceDaily (July 18, 2008) — Resistance to ciprofloxacin, a member of one of the most commonly used groups of antibiotics in the world, has been discovered by a team of Canadian researchers among people in remote South American villages who are believed to have never taken this medication. They took rectal swabs from 535 people in Bartica and the remote villages.

"Look, Mbuti, the silver stink-fly has brought pink-bellies back from the land of silly-assed squeak-talkers."
"Ay, yi, Nsoto. I'm getting out of here. You know what they talked us into doing last time."
"It was just their primitive way of saying, 'Are you in heat?' Mbuti. I don't know why you got so upset."
"It didn't bother me until I got to thinking about it later."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the squeak-talker said he was going to put a stick up my going-away cleavage."
"Yeah, okay, he said that to everybody."
"Yes, and then he went around behind me and put his left hand on my right shoulder... or was it his right hand on my left shoulder? Then I realized he had BOTH of his hands on BOTH of my shoulders!"

One nation, under God; one Constitution, under the bus

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World Net Daily reports...

A San Francisco city and county board resolution [...]will be challenged tomorrow in court for violating the Constitution's prohibition of government hostility toward religion.

Have you seen the new King James Version of the Constitution? I hear it's all the rage.

Little O'Bama, the early days

.
"Honey, come in here, quick!"
"What's wrong? What's wrong?"
"Baby 'Bama just mouthed his first platitude!"
"What'd he say?"
"He said we mustn't fight the last war."
"He's a baby. What does he know?"
"I know, I know. He's just babbling."
"Do you remember when he said his first half of a word, honey?"
"Of course. Say it again, Baby 'Bama. Say muh...."
"Mm, mmmu, mm.... mutha!"
"Awwww....."
"That's my boy."

How things get started

Teaching dirty words

.
"We learn a new word today, class. Feculence, giving us the
adjective feculent. Can anyone use feculent in a sentence?"
"I can."
"Go ahead, Tyrone."
"I don't care who the feculent my gun to, I want it back."
"Ms Foley, Ms Foley, Tyrone is talking dirty!"
"Very good, Cynthia. That's right. Feculent means dirty."
"No, no, he said...uh..hm...what did you say, Tyrone?"
"I said you best be getting me my gun back, bitch!"
"Ms Foley, Ms Foley!!"
"I hate this job."

Debra LaFave -- free ankled at last

The ankle monitor has come off.

Tribune file photo by CHRIS URSO (2006)

Debra Lafave won't have to wear this ankle bracelet now that she's off house arrest and on probation.

By THOMAS KRAUSE
The Tampa Tribune
July 11, 2008

Schoolteacher-turned-sex-offender Debra Lafave no longer will have to provide Florida Department of Corrections officials her daily schedule, and they no longer will keep minute-by-minute track of her whereabouts.

With Lafave having served more than 2 1/2 years of a three-year house-arrest sentence, a judge commuted the final five months to probation. She will remain on probation for seven years.

Probation officials said Lafave arrived at the Plant City probation office at 8:20 a.m. Her probation officer deactivated the ankle bracelet and cut it off. She left at 8:40 a.m.

While on house arrest, Lafave was allowed to leave home for only a few reasons, including grocery shopping and work, DOC spokeswoman Gretl Plessinger said. Lafave had to write her schedule in advance and have it approved by a probation officer, Plessinger said.

Now, Lafave will have to meet with a probation officer regularly, and an officer will come to her home, but she will not have to present schedules for approval, Plessinger said. Because Lafave is a sex offender, she will be subject to a curfew for the remainder of her probation. She must be home by 10 p.m. and cannot leave before 6 a.m., Plessinger said.

Lafave, a former English teacher at Greco Middle School, was arrested in June 2004 after a 14-year-old boy's mother called police to report that Lafave was having sex with him. Prosecutors have said the only reason they offered Lafave a plea deal was the extreme level of media coverage. The teenager's mother wanted to spare him the difficulties of testifying at trial.

The terms of Lafave's plea deal with prosecutors — inked in November 2005 — stated that she was to serve three years of house arrest and then seven years of probation. If she did not willfully violate house arrest after the first two years, she was to be allowed to ask a judge to commute the third year to probation.

While serving house arrest, Lafave had one legal incident. In December, Lafave was arrested for having inappropriate conversations with a 17-year-old girl at a restaurant where they worked. Circuit Judge J. Rogers Padgett determined the conversations were a violation of her house arrest but were not willful. She was not punished.

Fitzgibbons had argued to the judge that the conversations were common workplace discussions and age-appropriate.

A few months later, Fitzgibbons asked for Lafave's early release. The judge said she would be released today. All Lafave's community service is complete and all her fines are paid, Fitzgibbons said.

This morning, Lafave's former husband, Owen Lafave, appeared on the "Today" show.

Shortly before the interview, he told TBO.com that his ex-wife's sentence was "too lenient." There is one standard for female sex offenders and another for male sex offenders, he said, and that must be stopped.

His involvement with Debra Lafave brought him to the forefront of an issue that, he said, he previously ignored. Owen Lafave said he feels obligated to act as a spokesman for issues involving sex offenders.

"I've got two beautiful boys now who I want to protect," he said.

On Thursday, Debra Lafave's attorney criticized Owen Lafave for continuing to appear on television and speak publicly about his former wife, even though he has remarried and has children. Fitzgibbons said Owen Lafave needs to move on.

"John is entitled to his opinion," Owen Lafave said this morning. "This is something that happened to me in my life and, unfortunately, pushed me into the media."

Iran/Iraq --- Bluster Keatons of the ME

With our rockets, we kill you all dead.

The Real McCain

SKIP THIS POST if words offend you. Please.

In his new book, The Real McCain, Cliff Schecter, a journalist and frequent contributor at the Huffington Post related perhaps the most disturbing of McCain's tirades. During his 2000 White House bid, the Senator was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, his aides, and three journalists who spoke to Schecter on condition of anonymity, but independently confirmed each other's accounts of the incident. Cindy McCain playfully ran her fingers through the Senator's hair and teased, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain reddened and fired back, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollup, you cunt." After he'd cooled down, McCain apologized, saying he'd had a long day.

But for his own sensitivity, he's not one to restrain himself when it comes to dishing it out. In fact, he can be downright nasty.

In 1998, McCain was speaking before a GOP fundraiser in Washington, D.C. when he asked, "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father."

Women who need abortions

.

So [disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters] are taking their revenge on people without health care, women who need abortions, and others who they (if they supported Hillary) must think will be harmed by a Republican victory in the fall. --- Michael Kinsley, Time magazine.

"And what seems to be the problem, Cynthia?"
"Don't call me Cynthia, Doctor. I don't call you Ramesh."
"Oh, please forgive. What brings you here today, Miss, uh..., Miss Pitcairn?"
"I need an abortion."
"Oh, my. Did your ObGyn say what the risk was?"
"ObGyn? I don't need no ObGyn. I need an abortion."
"Well, Miss Pitcairn, if there is no risk to your health, why don't you give birth and place for adoption?"
"What? Are you crazy? I could start swelling up at any time and Tyrone says he'll move out if I lose my shape."
"Are you worried you won't be able to afford your rent without Tyrone?"
"What? Rent? I live with my mother. Tyrone comes by for meals and booty."
"Is Tyrone the father?"
"What? How the hell should I know? Look, Doc, just do me an abortion."
"I don't do abortions, Miss Pitcairn."
"What? You're discriminating against me! Attica! Attica! Help! He touched me!!"
"I hate this job."

There's only so much room under the bus

As both candidates continue lightening their load by ejecting from a finite supply of ballast, someone's likely to point out that keeping the balloon up by hot air alone only works as long as you can fuel all the people all the time.

Off-shore, ANWR, and Everywhere Else

.

Myron Cohen told the story of a man who lay dying in his upstairs bed. His wife was downstairs in the kitchen making cookies. The man calls his young son, whom he loved very much, to his side.

"Joshie, my boy, I'm dying."
"I know, pappa."
"What is your mother doing?"
"She's in the kitchen making cookies."
"Oy, your mother's wonderful cookies. I love them so. Go downstairs and tell momma to send me up some cookies."
So the boy goes downstairs and returns a minute later empty-handed.
"Joshie, did you bring me some cookies?"
"No, pappa."
"No? But I love your momma's cookies. Go and get some."
"Momma said I can't give you any cookies, poppa."
"What? Did she say why?"
"She said the cookies were for after the funeral."

Pump the oil. Mother Nature won't die.

The used car salesmen of politics

Mark Hemingway writes over at NRO (excerpted):

But I suspect that is because direct mail is still one of the few areas where conservatives and Republicans have a major fundraising advantage. If direct mail fundraisers were to become viewed by the general public as the used car salesmen of politics, they could then use it against any Republican who employed the supposedly shady fundraising method.

What else would you call a system that keeps over eighty percent of the funds it raises?

Now you're probably thinking that keeping 83 percent of the money is still a lot. But it's not, and you would understand that if the article didn't demonstrate a pretty shoddy grasp of how direct mail fundraising works.

I don't care how it works. I'll wager that if you let the prospective donors in on the fact that less than twenty cents of every dollar they donate gets to the intended recipient, they'd not donate in the first place.

At least a used car salesman sends you off the lot with a car.

Crumbling Pompeii

Archaeologists and art historians have long complained about the poor upkeep of Pompeii, dogged by lack of investment, mismanagement, litter and looting. Bogus tour guides, illegal parking attendants and stray dogs also plague visitors. --- Reuters

How to tell if your tour guide was bogus.

1. After explaining how Vesuvius rides on a plate, he sold you a six-place setting.
2. He charged extra to see The Forum, calling it The Fivem in devalued dollars.
3. Told you the fresco you heard about was a soft drink, sold you a six-pack.
4. Convinced you the Marina gate was named after Marina Sirtis, Deanna Troi of Star Trek. Sold you a bobble-head Captain Kirk.
5. Told you Via di Nola means Street of New Orleans, Louisiana. Sold you some ancient plastic beads from the Pompeiian Mardi Gras.
6. Told you the placard on that lavish villa, "Aulus Vettius Restitutus," meant "All tour guides get paid here."

What the FARC?

their plane went down while they were on a drug-monitoring flight

Pilot: Howdy, folks. Welcome aboard this drug monitoring flight.
Passenger: What the hell's a drug monitoring flight?
Pilot: [turning to face passengers] We're going to see how high we can get, man.
Passenger: Oh, my god. It's Tommy Chong! Bail out! Bail out!
Pilot: Is that you, Dave?
Passengers: [in unison] Dave's not here!

It's in the woods

.

Slight differences in the growth rings in wood from which violins are made might help determine sound quality, distinguishing a mellow-toned Stradivarius from an ordinary instrument. --- Science News

I thought they decided the varnish made the difference. But that was long ago, and now my consolation is in the sawdust of the song...

The tuition of electoral college

My country 'tis of thee,
Strictly duopoly;
Whence freedom's voice?
College electoral
Smothers the free-for-all,
Gives us same horse, same stall...
It's Hobson's choice.

A Love Song

Teen drives off top of Pikes Peak

Just bouncin'
And bumpin'
And crashin'
And thumpin'
And screamin'
And swishin'
And leapin'
And wishin' her kisses will start,
That might get you into her heart...
So if you're thinkin' how hard true love is,
All you gotta do is drive up to Pike's Peak
Then off an embankment,
Into the blue like Thelma and Louise
And after you do, she'll wear your ring.

Wishin' and Hopin'

Fight the duopoly